Room To Breathe
by Lydian Stone
Summary: Sequel to Bated Breath. Tragedy has left chaos in its wake and they are all tasked with picking up the pieces of each other's lives.
1. Chapter 1

*****If you haven't read Bated Breath, this won't make any sense, so jump over there, check it out, then come back and join us.*****

**For those who are ready to continue, I'll just remind you of a few things:**

** -This is AU. Caskett got together as a result of Linchpin/Pandora, not Always**

** -Bated Breath was written before we knew the identity of both the dragon and Castle's father so those were OCs. (West and Sutton, respectively)**

**- I have changed the date in the BB epilogue to 2016 rather than 2017. It fit my timeline for this better and since this is fanfiction and not a NY Times Best Seller, I can bend time and space at will, much like Q minus any cosmic consequences. (The story hasn't even started and I've pulled in a sci-fi reference. I'm such a nerd!)**

**Room To Breathe picks up after BB chapter 63. The first 5 chapters will be the immediate aftermath of the shooting. Then there will be time jumps, both in the story and in real life as I get myself organized. Just like BB, there will be a case and a lot of relational issues packed into this story.**

**Unlike BB, I will not be posting at a manic pace, so you'll have to bear with me. **

**Thanks to Deb, my beta buddy. She catches my mistakes, but I often add or rework passages right before I post, so if you see a mistake, it's mine alone and should in no way lessen your opinion of Deb's grammatical prowess.**

**I don't own anything Castle except iTunes downloads of Seasons 1-5 and a notebook with a "Writer" vest cover. It's awesome.**

**Room to Breathe**

**Chapter 1**

**May 18, 2013****  
**

They were in the process of mending.

All that had shattered in their lives was being put to rights with more than a few surgical plates and screws.

Daniel Sutton had been improving physically, but not as quickly as his son. The older man had the incentive of a newly rekindled romance to spur him in his efforts, but overcoming an injury that damaged not just bone but also muscle and ligaments took more time. While Sutton was fit for his age, he was no longer young enough to bounce back without a great deal of effort. He impressed the staff of Oasis Rehabilitation and Spa Center daily, but his exertion made for short days as his body needed extra rest to recover.

While Castle was in residence he had a room near his father so they could visit easily. The 'facility' was much more like a five star resort than the clinical, no frills environment that a government employee could normally expect. Sutton had not been willing to let Rick foot the bill for such a place initially, but when Mayor Weldon came by the hospital to visit Rick he asked if there was anything he could do for him. Castle explained the situation and asked if there was any external way for the CIA "health insurance" to cover the extra expense for the nicer facility. Soon after Sutton received notice from his CIA superior that he was not only to receive recognition for his actions, but that his recovery at any facility would be fully covered by the Agency.

He suspected that 'The Agency' amounted to his son funneling his own money through it, but he had been too tired to fight him over it, not when Richard _wanted_ to spend time with him.

The days were structured. The long physical therapy sessions were followed by massages, at the integrated spa. Often those became couples' massages, which Castle insisted Kate needed since she had been under a lot of stress and he couldn't work the knots out of her shoulders himself. She relented easily. She hadn't married Richard Castle for his wealth, but she had come to a point where she no longer felt guilty about letting him pamper her with it on occasion.

At first both men were still so compromised that they were too exhausted to sustain long conversations. They spent some recovery time over Stargate episodes and talking mostly about cases and missions. As they grew stronger they graduated to cards and checkers and a little more information was shared each day about their separate lives. Neither had regained the mental stamina for a chess match, but they were evenly matched in most everything they attempted.

It had been ten days since the shooting.

Kate had spent more time at what she referred to as 'the resort' than the precinct. She was still on a Gates-imposed leave officially, but unofficially she tried to keep tabs on the proceedings through Ryan and Esposito. She realized that even a year before if she had been in this situation she would have been living at the precinct and visiting Castle rather than living at the resort with him and visiting the precinct. Seeing her quest for justice come to fruition was gratifying, but she was much more relieved than obsessed in the aftermath. The fact that she was stepping back and trusted others to handle what had been her all-consuming obsession clearly showed that her heart resided elsewhere.

Ryan and Esposito were relentless in their efforts to arm the DA with enough evidence to convict Thomas West of everything from racketeering to several charges of murder one. Cole Maddox and former judge, Robert Markway, among others were certain to fall in his wake.

Each charge had to be justified independently and each investigation seemed to turn up more charges. While Kate was eager to see a jury convict West and throw away the key she was thankful that between the boys and Gates, they would take the time to make sure there was an airtight case against him. They were doing the groundwork, but she reasoned that there would be plenty for her to contribute in the coming months.

Unfortunately, the police weren't the only ones digging. The media was having a field day with the combined scandals of a long time US Senator's arrest in conjunction with a celebrity's shooting. Kate had never been comfortable with the odd paparazzi ambush, but network media mixed with the entire spectrum of journalists had made going anywhere a nightmare. The only responses she ever gave were "I can't comment on an ongoing investigation" and "All personal statements will be issued by press release through Black Pawn Publishing."

Kate had to admit that although Gina and Paula could be pushy, that assertiveness came in handy when they needed protection from the public eye. She thought back to their first visit when Castle was in the hospital.

* * *

_Paula gushed over an unconscious Rick, and gently patted his lax hand while Gina walked in the room, paled, then pivoted and stepped out. Kate waited a few moments then excused herself, not that Paula took much notice. _

_Kate had never seen Gina look more human. She had her arms crossed against her stomach and was leaning against the wall, just staring blankly at the ground._

_Kate leaned on the wall next to her and said, "He's been awake a few times and they say he'll make a full recovery."_

_She nodded, trying to twist her expression to look much more confident than she felt. "I know. I just- I've never seen him look so helpless. I mean, he's Richard Castle, the guy nearly walks on water." She twitched a shoulder and glanced at Kate with a vulnerability that didn't suit her. It was the first time Gina openly admired Castle for more than a paycheck since he'd been with Kate. _

"_I know." _

_Kate didn't have it in her to give any more of a pep talk. She was exhausted, but the practical part of her mind knew they needed this woman to protect them and for once she hoped his publisher would put their wishes above the Nikki Heat bottom line. _

"_Listen, Gina, there's more than what you've heard, and we-" She thought better of the phrasing and amended, "Rick will need you to run interference for him."_

_Gossip always caught Gina's attention and she straightened and turned so she was facing Kate with her shoulder against the wall, "Of course."_

_Kate looked to make sure no one was in earshot. "The CIA agent who saved his life, Daniel Sutton, he's Rick's father."_

_Gina stared at her. "What!"_

_Kate placed a palm out to halt her response then continued, "There's a lot that's happened and I can't go into everything but stories are going to come out and I know you and Paula are going to need to know what's real and what's a rumor, and what we want you to confirm or deny."_

"_Yes, of course." _

"_Senator Thomas West was arrested yesterday for a long list of crimes, including hiring a hit man to kill my mother before she could uncover incriminating evidence against him. On the list is also putting a hit out on me when my investigation into her death got too close. Last week Daniel Sutton uncovered a lead. Castle put the pieces together and we discovered that the sniper whom West had hired to shoot me a few years ago is Judge Markway's son from an affair, Cole Maddox, and he's the same man who did this to Rick."_

_Kate had never seen Gina speechless. Finally after several brow rumpling moments she asked, "Wait . . . what?"_

_Kate repeated the curt summary of events._

"_Listen, Gina, you know that everything I just told you about the case technically is a list of allegations so none of it can be confirmed or denied officially. As for Sutton, he's in critical condition in the ICU and the last thing Castle needs is for the press to start running even fluff pieces when they've only known each other for less than a week and Sutton might not make it."_

_Gina stood and pulled herself back into publicist mode. "Okay, so right now the media is saying that a CIA agent was injured but as far as I know no connection has been made. If asked I'll just say that the identity of the agent has not yet been released. Of course it will come to light, those things always do and Rick will eventually need to do an interview." _

_Kate bristled and Gina extended a placating hand._

"_Not right away, but eventually, and he'll have his pick of journalists and reporters. It should be done sooner rather than later if you want to trump the rumor mill. He is a public figure, Kate, and certain sacrifices go along with that."_

_Kate knew that all too well and didn't appreciate the condescension. She also begrudgingly knew that Gina was just doing her job and trying to give Kate realistic expectations._

"_I know, I know. For now just issue a statement that Rick was wearing a vest, has several broken ribs and will recover."_

"_Of course. I'll add the usual filler about thanking the fans and asking for privacy, for what it's worth, but if you've looked outside you'll realize that asking for it and getting it will be two different things."_

_The two women walked back into the hospital room. Paula was holding Rick's hand and wiping at her eyes. Kate didn't know how much more crying the room could contain. Gina took a few steps towards the bed, reached out a tentative hand and gripped Castle's foot through the blanket just for a second then abruptly retracted it as though she couldn't bear the reality for any longer than that moment._

"_Paula, we should go."_

"_Yeah, alright." She turned towards the patient, kissed his cheek and said, "Ricky, we'll be back, and you better be ready to talk to us by then."_

_Gina walked out. Paula hugged Kate and air kissed her cheek. "Keep us posted." She assessed Kate up and down then added, "There are cameras down there, Honey. You might wanna . . ." She waved at Kate, not able to decide what to focus on – the detective's hair, crispy from the chlorinated water or her borrowed scrubs. "Oh, never mind." _

* * *

During his afternoon down time, Kate escorted Castle to the common room, which featured a baby grand, a live pianist and posh chairs that would elevate to aid patients in sitting and standing. Castle was supposed to elevate them to half height and sit without help to build his muscles but it made him feel one step closer to assisted living. Kate refused to help lower him in any other chair so he found himself being slowly lowered by what he referred to as Robochair. A few minutes later Martha wheeled Daniel Sutton into the room; his leg extended. He looked much more human and felt more himself. After he was situated, Kate and Martha pulled a table over and grabbed four normal chairs to place around it. Before Castle could ask why there were four, Esposito and Ryan came in and joined them.

"Hey, Castle, you're not looking so bad. I thought you were still supposed to be an invalid or somethin'"

"He's definitely something," Kate confirmed.

It had only been a few days since the guys had been in last, but for Castle, every link to the outside world was welcome. For Sutton their presence allowed him a look at his son through their interactions. He couldn't have gotten far in the CIA without being hyper observant and while he felt that Richard had been remarkably open with him considering everything, the spy still had missed the first 41 years of his life and he was hungry for any scraps that were more than factual knowledge of him.

"Hey, I'm not an invalid!"

"Lookout, Ryan, I think he can take us."

"I'll have you know I buttoned my own shirt today."

Kate sucked in her lips to prevent words to the contrary from escaping. She was proud that he had managed to fasten one button, but as with all interactions in their longstanding bromance, the bravado factor pushed him to exaggerate. She patted Castle's knee instead and he relented and compromised closer to the truth.

"Okay, Three buttons, I did three buttons, but I'd like to see you try that basically one handed."

Ryan slapped his partner's arm with the back of his hand. "Hear that, Javi? Won't be long before Aquaman here will be putting us in our place." He smiled at Castle, and with a look relayed exactly how proud the detectives were of him. His heroics while getting Sutton out of the pool after being shot himself earned him the nickname. Castle loved it.

"Yeah, one of my goals for tomorrow, which my lead PT, Allie, wrote in very charming bubble letters, is to brush my teeth left handed. By next week I'm sure she'll have me doing jujitsu."

"That must be scheduled right after my kick boxing class." Sutton added.

Esposito leaned across the table and 'fed the birds' with Castle's father.

"Yeah, you put him in his place for us. We've been having to do it since Beckett here went soft and started to fall for the guy."

"What do you mean 'started to fall for me'? Beckett always loved me, didn't you, Darling." Castle batted his eyelashes at the syrupy moniker.

"Yes, Dear." She replied in kind. Then to the guys she added, "He's still on the good stuff."

"Hey, am not!"

"I am." Sutton piped up smugly.

Martha patted his shoulder. "As you should be. Since the two of you had to go and get yourselves perforated you might as well take the strongest stuff they offer."

"Mother, it's not like cocktail hour. And before you offer, the answer is 'no'. One should not wash Vicodin down with a Cosmopolitan."

"Martha, you told me it was doctor's orders!" Daniel smirked at her while playing along.

She replied to her son, "Oh, Darling, have I taught you nothing? Vicodin would certainly call for gin."

"Speaking of gin." Ryan pulled a deck of cards out of his back pocket. "The, uh, card game I mean. Who's up for poker?"

Castle held up his right hand as his mother's mouth opened.

"So help me, Mother, if the next sentence out of your mouth includes the word 'strip.'"

She paused a beat then said, "I wouldn't dream of it. Carry on, Detective Ryan."

After a few minutes of scrounging they had enough toothpicks, coffee stirrers and sugar packets to make a game of it.

They went around the table with dealer's choice. At the end of the second round Ryan declared, "Five card draw, deuces, jacks, man with the axe. One toothpick to ante."

"Dude, why can't you just call a normal game like the rest of us?"

Kate added, "Yeah, Ryan half the cards are going to be wild."

Ryan started dealing the hand and replied, "Don't exaggerate, Beckett, only nine fifty-seconds of the cards will be wild. Anyway, it makes everyone feel like they're doing well. Don't you want the invalids to feel good about themselves while we mop the floor with them?"

"Oh, you are SO on." Castle replied as he threw a sugar packet at his friend.

By the end of the hand everyone else had folded except Ryan and Sutton, who kept upping the bid.

"Come on, Dad. You're representing perforated people worldwide. Our reputation and morale fall squarely on your shoulders."

Sutton stared Ryan down for a full minute before dramatically throwing in three sugar packets. Ryan gulped audibly then folded.

Sutton broke the intense expression with an easy smile and declared, "We're invalids, Detective Ryan, not morons. After all, what moron would win deuces, jacks, man with the axe with only two pair, six high?"

"What!" Groans rose from several corners.

"Gentlemen, I think you've been had." Martha added, "You better quit while he's only slightly ahead. Otherwise it could get ugly and I'd hate for you to have to tell your respective women that you lost your sugar packet farm to an old man in a wheelchair."

"Don't forget that I'm drugged. That will impress them even more."

"Yeah, yeah, we know when to cut our losses." Esposito conceded, realizing that Martha was actually announcing that it was time for them to go.

Ryan cleared up the cards and shook his head. "I knew Feds were arrogant but, wow. Now we know where you get it, Castle."

"Yeah, between Nature and Nurture here," Castle flicked his head at his father then mother respectively, "I didn't stand a chance. Good thing I have plenty to be arrogant about."

Kate patted his shoulder and placated, "Yes, Castle, you're lovely. Now say goodbye to your friends."

"Are you humoring me, Woman? I can't believe my own wife is turning on me."

"I can't believe you called Beckett, 'Woman' and you're still alive." Ryan mused.

He smugly bragged, "She knows her place."

Kate erupted with a "HA!" which completely negated any macho cred he thought he had.

"Yeah, Bro, and don't forget that 'her place' is the 12th and she packs heat."

Castle had to admit defeat, "Duly noted. Sorry, Sweetheart."

Kate rolled her eyes, "I think I liked 'Woman' better." He knew she liked 'Sweetheart', just not in front of company.

She leaned down to kiss his cheek and quietly asked, "You want to stay put 'til they're gone?"

He nodded slightly, not wanting to look like a live geriatric ad for Robochair in front of the guys. He turned his head and pecked her lips with a 'thanks' under his breath.

Martha, ever the hostess, started to stand but Kate motioned for her to stay, "I'll escort Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum out."

"I'm NOT Tweedle Dum" Ryan stated emphatically.

"I'm not Tweedle anything." Espo bit back.

* * *

As Kate walked with them to the lobby, all humor fell away.

"Sit rep, guys."

"Still getting evidence in order. These things take time. You know that, Beckett, and this has to be processed to the letter." Esposito reasoned.

She started shifting and looked away. "Montgomery?" They both waited for the other to answer. "Well?"

Ryan scratched the back of his neck and admitted, "They know his death's connected, and it's likely West will want to pull as many down with him as he can."

"But there's no proof that Montgomery was the shooter, right?"

"No." He hesitated then added, "Beckett, you know we won't have the case for long. If a senator is getting tried, the lead's gonna to go higher than the lowly NYPD. Until then we'll do all we can."

Still dwelling on Montgomery, Kate asked, "What about Gates?"

Esposito answered, "She won't throw Montgomery under the bus. An IA detective started sniffing around and Gates acted like any connection was news to her. I didn't know she had it in her feign ignorance. Kate lifted her eyebrows, pleased but still agitated. "Kate, they don't have the gun that Montgomery used to off the undercover Fed, Armond, and no one is left alive to give an eyewitness account. Pulgatti, Ragland and McAllister are all dead. There's no way to prove who pulled the trigger."

Beckett worried, "What about West? He was the puppet master. He had to have known what went down on the botched job."

Ryan assured her, "Beckett, no matter what he says, unless he has documentation we don't know about that ties them together, there's just no evidence to back it up. It's all circumstantial when it comes to Montgomery."

She had been sifting the evidence in her mind enough to know what could be proven and what would remain a circumstantial allegation.

"Wait, what about the file? The one Montgomery sent to Smith? We have evidence that it was sold back to West by Smith's killer. If West produces it, Montgomery's prints would be all over it."

Esposito shook his head, "Listen, West is calculated and while there's damning evidence in there for Montgomery and the other players, most of it points back to him. My guess, is he burned it."

The moment of silence that followed was full of a desperate hope that Esposito was right.

Kate hooked her thumbs in her back pockets to keep her hands from fidgeting. She worried aloud, "I need to talk to Evelyn. I don't want her to find out from the news. This could pull their death benefits. Montgomery would have been dishonorably discharged at least, if they'd found him guilty of anything while he was alive, so I don't know what that will mean for them."

Esposito interpreted her tone and lack of eye contact correctly and gripped her shoulder. "Hey, Beckett, no matter what happens, it's not your fault, okay."

She blew out a breath but wouldn't look at him.

Knowing they would get nowhere in trying to douse Beckett's guilt, Ryan changed the topic,

"So, how's he doin'?" He tipped his chin towards the room they had just left.

"Better. It's more his pride that's suffering right now. The shattered ribs are going to take up to a few months to heal completely. The muscle damage is still making the use of his left arm painful." Both men had noticed that he could only hold the cards while his arm was resting in his lap and he didn't even try to shuffle them, just pushed the deck towards Kate to deal for him.

"How's he doin' with 'Dad'?" Ryan used air quotes.

"First time Castle called him 'Dad' he was on heavy pain meds and it slipped out, but it's stuck. For now he's just relieved that everyone survived. So far Sutton's been a good distraction for him."

Esposito smirked, "Martha certainly seems distracted."

Kate replied, "Yeah, that part's creeping Castle out, but in a good way."

Esposito replied, "Oh, we know how it is. You want Mom and Dad to be together but having to watch Mom and Dad getting on?" He finished the thought with a shudder.

Kate narrowed her eyes at him then declared, "Okay, playtime's over, boys!"

"For us it is." Ryan smiled sweetly.

"OUT!" She gave him a push.

On their way out she heard Espo say, "Sheesh, why'd you have to get Mom so riled up?"

Kate watched them leave, feeling deeply how much she loved each of their 'kids.'

* * *

**A/N: Reviews are all the motivation I need. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you to all who have read and reviewed this and to those who have gone back to read and review Bated Breath. Writing BB was one of the most fulfilling things I've done in my life and reading your words is always a huge a part of the writing experience for me.**

**This chapter gets a bit heavy, but I hope I did the conversation justice. **

**Chapter 2**

**May 18****th****, 2013**

After Kate saw her fellow detectives out, she sighed.

Through all the panic, all the flurry of untangling an intricate weave of decades of lies, all the emotional drain of agonizing waits and tending to the injured, Kate had not set aside time to talk to the one woman who needed answers as much as she did. Evelyn Montgomery deserved to know not only her husband's sins but also his dedication to righting them, and the whole of his honorable sacrifice. Such a conversation demanded more than a few minutes of harried conversation. She needed dedicated, uninterrupted time, and she had needed to wait until she had a better handle on how things were going to proceed.

Evelyn had sent Castle a card in the hospital while she was still naïve as to her husband's involvement in the muddled affair that had landed him there. More than relaying heartfelt sentiments for Castle's well being, the card served to stir bittersweet memories in Kate of her old skipper, and amplified the weight felt by one who would bear a heavy blow to a very sweet innocent party.

With these thoughts she returned to the lounge where Castle sat alone.

"The party must be over?"

As Castle activated Robochair he answered, "Yeah, I never knew that an hour of cards could be so exhausting."

Kate broke her own rule and helped him stand the rest of the way then kept hold of his elbow as they walked. "It's going to take time, Castle."

"Seems like a running theme. I just get tired of waiting, I want to be useful again."

She replied in a low voice, "Don't worry, Castle, I'll find a use for you."

She hugged his arm as he looked at her with a resigned expression.

"I can't even tell you how miserable I am that I can't act on that double entendre."

"I have no doubt that once you're better you'll make up for lost time."

"You know me so well." And he knew her well enough to know something was weighing on her. "Care to share with the rest of the class?"

Kate had felt like her relationship with her husband since the incident had been a balancing act. At first she had been focused on putting Castle's fears about his father's health to rest. Then he had to start navigating a new relationship with his father and even though that was going well, she hesitated to press her worries on him. But, as Castle's strength returned, she knew he was trying to reclaim his place as a steady support in her life. She didn't want to add her emotional exhaustion to his, but it wasn't fair to keep it from him, either.

They walked in silence as she formulated an answer. When they got back to his room she helped him get situated then he tugged her to recline in the bed with him. She tucked herself under his right arm and after a few breaths of silence he prompted,

"Kate, as we've established, I have very few uses right now, but I'm still your husband and I want to feel like I can do something for you, even if the extent of my ability is to lay like a slug and listen."

Kate knew the feeling of helplessness when others were out fighting a battle that had branded her physically. She ran her fingers along his side and she understood. She wanted him to rest, to release him from worry, but she had to give him this. She would have demanded nothing less in his place.

She confessed. "Evelyn Montgomery." He held her against his side and kissed her hair.

'Hmmmm. I've been thinking about her and the kids, too."

"How do I even begin? This is going to destroy them, Castle."

His fingers massaged her arm as he spoke, "Montgomery was a great man, but he made grave mistakes. He loved his family and sacrificed himself for them. It will be hard, but they need to know the truth."

Kate thought back to the web of consequences that she and Castle had stumbled upon in Blakely's apartment during the case they worked with Sofia Turner. She thought of all the destruction that could spring from one linchpin event and wondered what threads Montgomery's kids would weave from the aftershocks of a single shot decades ago. The Dragon, Thomas West had started spinning this crippling web of doom, but Montgomery grafted his family into it with that one split second error.

Since her captain's funeral, the fear of one of Montgomery's daughters showing up at Kate's door with a fiery determination to avenge her father's death haunted her. Before West was caught Kate knew she would have done everything to keep Montgomery's children away from the case, to keep them safe. It made her sick to think that she would deny another daughter the truth when she had fought so hard to find it for herself, but she came to understand why Montgomery kept her away as long as he had. He'd seen the web. He understood the consequences.

Now, though, things were different. She didn't have the luxury of waiting for the day when she'd get a knock on her door. The investigation was looming and it forced her hand.

"It would mean a lot to Evelyn if it came from you."

She breathed in deeply then sighed, "I'll go tomorrow."

"I want to go with you."

"That's sweet, Castle but no field trips 'til you're cleared."

"Can you wait a few more days?"

"Castle, you were worn out by a friendly card game. I want you to go with me, but you will not be up for that kind of exertion, not anytime soon. IA is already poking around. I would never forgive myself if they got to her first."

"Can the guys go with you?"

She played with his fingers, wishing she could twist the ring on the other hand, and replied, "No, Castle, it's you or I'm going solo. You know I love 'our kids,' but I don't want to emotionally scar them."

"Too late, Mrs. Castle. I think Kevin will be okay, but Javier's fate is still a bit iffy." She almost laughed.

More seriously Castle asked, "You'll come over afterwards?"

"Of course." She smiled up at him. "I've been practically living here with you so I'm not sure I could avoid you if I tried."

He squeezed his fingers around hers. "Thanks for that. I know our bed at home is more comfortable."

"Castle, it's not the bed I'm in love with."

She leaned up and pressed a kiss to his lips. He kneaded his fingers through her hair keeping her in place. Being limited with affections seemed to make every touch, every kiss, feel so much deeper; relay so much more. He had never spent so much time evaluating the power of a kiss before he was so limited, but he infused all the ways he wished he could be there for her into what he thought of as a 'romantic mind meld.'

When their lips parted, Kate rested her forehead against his, massaged his hair with both her hands and panted, "Yeah, definitely not the bed."

* * *

**May 19****th****, 2013**

Evelyn Montgomery opened the door and immediately pulled her into a hug. Kate had not seen her since the funeral and the physical contact was overwhelming. They hadn't even started talking and she had to fight to stay in control.

Evelyn released her but kept hold of one of her hands. "How are you, Sweetie? How's Rick?"

"We're okay. Rick's getting better; thankfully it was just bone and muscle damage."

"And you – you're healed?"

Kate nodded, realizing that this meeting was just as difficult for Evelyn.

"Back to one-hundred percent."

Evelyn's eyes started watering, "Oh, Honey, I'm so sorry I didn't visit you in the hospital. It was all too much but I –"

Kate cut her apology short, "Evelyn, your husband died while protecting me, then at his funeral you and the kids had to see the bullet hit me. I understood. There is no need to apologize."

"Still, I should have been to see you sometime since."

"That goes both ways." Kate pulled Evelyn into another hug and said, "Let's just call it even."

Evelyn said, "Okay, only because I know you're as stubborn as Roy was."

Kate gave a wan smile at what she considered to be a compliment.

Evelyn showed Kate to the living room. When they were seated Evelyn began. "I hate to ask, Kate, I know Rick's still recovering and you might not know, but I've had a few phone calls and I'm not sure what's going on, but I've been asked if Roy's death had something to do with the allegations against Senator West. At first I thought it was nonsense, but now I just don't know what to think."

Kate hesitated and placed a hand on Evelyn's knee, "There is more to tell, and you deserve to hear it from me."

"Oh, Lord, please tell me he wasn't mixed up in all this." Kate thought that it had been meant as a prayer and hated that she had no comfort to offer.

"You have to know that your husband was a good man. He was the best captain in the NYPD, and what I felt for him went beyond respect to loyalty. I saw him as a father figure. He did more than lead those of us under his command; he cared about us, watched out for us. You know that he died protecting me, but there was more to it. He didn't go there as my back-up. He went knowing full well that he would not walk away."

Evelyn just whispered 'No" repeatedly under her breath as Kate continued.

"He made that choice because West had something over him. Your husband had a file that could incriminate him, and West knew it so he threatened to kill not only me, but you and the kids, too. If he had done what West wanted, West would have gone on hurting people and there was no guarantee that he would have left you alone. He would always come back to demand more of him. The only way to keep you safe was to eliminate either West or himself."

Kate paused to let what she had said sink in.

Evelyn was covering her mouth with her shaking hand. Finally she asked weakly, "What did he have on Roy?"

"He made a poor choice as a rookie but he spent the rest of his career making up for it. He was a superior cop, a model detective and he made the 12th homicide division the best in the NYPD. The good he did outweighs the bad. He was a great man. Even knowing what I know, I have the highest respect for him. I . . . I had the chance in those last few minutes of his life to tell him that I forgave him. I hope that gave him peace."

Kate had to stop as the memories started flooding back to her; looking into her captain's eyes when Castle dragged her from the hangar, then sobbing over his lifeless body just moments later pleading for a different outcome. Evelyn handed her a tissue box and Kate came back to the moment and took one, offering an apologetic smile for getting overly sentimental.

"Honey, I hate to ask, but I need to know what he did. What started all this?"

"When he was a rookie a few older cops that he respected started kidnapping members of mob families. They justified it to Roy as a fine for all the pain they were inflicting, and any money funneled away from them was less spent on drugs or weapons or any other vice. He was just out of the academy and they preyed on that. West found out, demanded a cut and started running the operation. It went on until one kidnapping went wrong and an undercover Federal Agent was accidentally shot and died."

"Did Roy . . . Tell me he wasn't the one who pulled the trigger."

Kate decided to spare Evelyn this one thing. "We don't have evidence of which one it was, but it wouldn't have mattered to Montgomery. The guilt that an innocent man died and another innocent man was in prison for the murder, ate at him."

"Ragland and McAllister. It was them, wasn't it?"

"Yes."

"I knew something had happened. He worshipped those two when he joined the force but then he just stopped talking about them and not too long after he was transferred to a different team." She shrugged, "I just assumed it was a regular shift of position, but he never did mention those two again. I saw in the news both of them died in the past few years, and not peacefully."

"No. It was all connected."

She gathered herself and gave Kate a penetrating look. "Honey, I know why he died protecting us, but why was he protecting you? You said you forgave him. What for?"

Kate took in a deep breath, slowly blinked then said, "My mother tried to build a case to exonerate the man who was charged for the murder of the Federal Agent. Senator West had her killed."

"Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord. You knew about this? He knew what happened and didn't come forward?" She was near to hyperventilating and pleaded through her tears, "The sniper at his funeral – that wasn't random, was it?"

Kate looked down and quietly said, "No."

Evelyn hunched herself into her lap as she sobbed into her hands, isolating herself as she took it all in. Kate didn't know what to do, there was no real comfort to offer. The truth was painful and terrible and this poor woman would be feeling it the rest of her life. Finally Kate rested a hand on the older woman's back and rubbed as she added.

"Captain Montgomery . . . he protected me for years while I investigated, knowing that one day I'd find out what happened. He tried to get me to back down. He knew what West was capable of, and he was worried about my safety, but he never once tried to defend his actions once I knew. He owned up to it. He did what he could to make it right. He did _everything_ he could; he died trying to make it right. He died a hero."

Evelyn still quietly sobbed, and Kate understood. It was quite some time before the wails turned to sniffs and she quieted down. Eventually she raised her head and dried her puffy eyes.

"Kate Beckett," she smiled at the detective who she'd seen mature from a rookie to the woman who sat with her, "I suppose it's Kate Castle now?"

"Outside the precinct."

"I'm sorry I didn't go to the wedding. I didn't feel right after not seeing you-"

Kate shook her head, "It's okay."

"I just was going to say that you, Kate Castle, have a big heart. After what he did . . . what you went through . . . I know that hearing you forgive him must have meant so much to Roy, and for that I thank you."

"Evelyn, it was West who had my mother killed, not your husband. It was West who ordered a hit on me. That is where the guilt lies. His sniper shot Castle and a CIA agent last week. Now he'll pay. Finally, he'll pay for what he did to your family, to my family and for all the pain he's caused probably hundreds of other people."

Kate could tell that Evelyn was the wife of a cop. Despite the emotional overload she gathered herself, poised to accept her new reality.

"I assume there will be consequences."

"We'll keep him out of it as much as we can and his service record will help."

"The press; do they know."

"They haven't put together West's connection with Montgomery's death yet. It still looks like he died only in the line of duty by Lockwood, one of West's men, without a personal connection. But West will be trying to take people down with him. IA is digging and the Feds are involved. They don't have evidence, and they won't have any corroborating witness statements. It's conjecture at this point."

"If he's found guilty, what will that mean for me and the kids?"

"I honestly don't know. The only people who know exactly what happened are Detectives Ryan and Esposito, Castle and me and we'll fight to protect his reputation and shield you and the kids. Because Castle and I were victims in this, our word should hold weight."

"But what about the family of the man who was shot all those years ago?"

"Armond had no kids, and had just divorced his wife. His ex-wife has been remarried for 15 years with a family. I will appeal to her personally if it comes to that, but we're hoping it won't."

"And the man that was in prison, Pulgatti, was it? What of his family?"

"He didn't have any personal visitors his entire time in prison."

She nodded, feeling guilty that she was thankful for both men's lonely existence.

She shook her head again, pressed a hand to her temple, "What do I tell the kids?"

"Whatever measure of the truth you think they can handle. Their dad died a hero protecting a lot of people from a very evil man. When they start asking more questions or if the press starts releasing more, you'll know how much to tell them. If you ever need anything, if you want to talk about it, or if they do, our door is always open. As far as Rick and I are concerned, you're family."

She reached over and placed her hand over Evelyn's.

"You too, Honey, you too."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed Bated Breath (and to all you Twitter Elves who promoted it on the site on which I dare not tread) – your combined efforts have bumped it over the 1k mark! WOO-HOO! : D**

**Thanks to Deb for making me think through parts of this chapter that seem much clearer in my mind than on paper. You're just the bee's knees!**

**Chapter 3**

**May 19th 2013**

After her visit with Evelyn Montgomery, Kate made it to the rehab facility just as Castle had finished eating dinner and watching an episode of Stargate in his father's room. She knocked lightly on the door and they both looked up to see her leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed. She still marveled at the resemblance. The thought had her smiling despite her still puffy eyes.

Both men pretended not to notice. "Hey, Kate."

"Sutton."

She watched the final scene with them and commented, "You're into season two already?"

"Yeah. We skipped a few episodes."

Rick added, "Turns out _Agent _Sutton here is creeped out by replicators. Who knew?"

"Technological warfare against artificial intelligence? You two should be thankful to be so ignorant."

Beckett smiled at him and added, "Yeah, we see enough of brutal acts of violence with conventional weapons. I can't imagine how much more sleep I'd lose if a horde of microchips could commit murders."

Castle piped in, "As long as they leave my iPhone alone I'm good."

Sutton shook his head then cleared his throat, "On that disturbing note, I think I need some time alone to curl up in a one-legged ball and contemplate the end of the world as we know it."

Kate gave him an appreciative nod and added, "I'll make sure your son gets back to his room without incident, technological or otherwise."

"Thanks, I'm sure he's probably gotten more than his fill of me for one day anyway."

Through the jest, Kate had read his fear that one day Rick would wake up and decide to resent him. She also knew that Castle still worried about whether Sutton would stick around once he had healed. Rick had been abandoned by the man as a child, and then by two wives. He hadn't said anything to Kate outright, but she could interpret the wide eyes and the tone he used when talking about his father. While the two men worried about their place in each other's lives, Martha and Kate both knew it was a permanent arrangement. It just would take a while for the two men to be at ease with each other.

"I doubt that. But I'll take him off your hands for while."

"Sounds good to me. See you later, Dad."

Sutton tried to adjust himself into a more comfortable position. "Yeah. Martha will be around soon, I'll keep her in my court so you can have some down time."

Kate knew it was for her benefit more than Rick's this time. Sutton winked at her knowingly.

"Thanks." Rick and Martha weren't the only ones getting attached to the man.

As they walked the few doors down, Rick glanced at Kate while she looked straight ahead. She was more severely drawn and he wondered if she had finally hit her breaking point. She had worked so hard to keep everyone going through the aftermath of the shooting, and he had wondered when she would finally keel over from exhaustion. No sooner had he had that thought than she confirmed that her collapse was imminent. "Castle, I know you want to talk, but I need to sleep, preferably for a very long time. Is seven too early to turn in for the night?"

She helped him ease into the bed, took off his shoes and slipped in next to him

"Not tonight." He pulled her into his side and she curled to rest her head on his good shoulder. He felt her shaking before the tears seeped through his shirt. She was mourning her captain all over again, and grieving for his wife and children, and all that had been lost.

Within a few minutes Kate was sleeping heavily and Castle lay awake wishing he could do more to comfort her than offer her his shoulder and a soothing hand on her back.

While she fell into what Castle hoped was a dreamless sleep, Castle reflected on all they had come so close to losing and couldn't help but feel thankful. He rested his cheek on her hair. He was so lucky to have her here with him, both of them breathing, his ring on her finger. Suddenly, despite his limitations, laying with her seemed like enough.

* * *

The couple down the hall unknowingly mirrored their position. Martha raised herself and propped on her elbow, her body stretched next to Sutton's.

For a spy, dependence was a frustrating cross to bear. Each day he tried to focus on the opportunity he never thought he would have; sharing days with his son. It might not be ideal circumstances, but every morning he had to assure himself that his Richard was still down the hall, and still, every day he had been surprised that he was.

And then there was Martha. It seemed like they had been barely more than kids all those years ago. That one perfect night was forever blazed into his memory. He had hoped one day to cross paths with Richard, but to have Martha finally looking at him with so much affection in her mischievous blue eyes; that was a blessing for which he had never even dared to hope. More than keeping up with Richard, his inspiration for recovering was to be able to have a real shot at a life with the one that got away; no distractions, no mortal peril, no hospital beds, just the two of them, alone with time. He wanted to take Martha on a proper date which included dancing and ended with her wrapped in his arms. He wanted their lives to amount to more than a one-night stand, a perfect son, and sympathy.

He thought it was more than pity and gratitude in her eyes, but it had been an intense reunion thus far and he wanted assurances that it hadn't all been just a Florence Nightingale moment. He was amazed at how comfortable she was with him through his weaknesses. Several people at the hospital had asked how long they'd been together and after the first few times of hemming and hawing about the large gap in their history, she confidently answered, "42 years." They shared a bit of a knowing smirk when the nurse went on about how great it was their relationship was that strong. He couldn't take his eyes off her for the hour after her bold declaration. With Martha what you saw was what you got, but he knew from tracking her over the years that she wasn't the type to commit, so either she was playing a part out of guilt or . . . dare he even think it . . . she had much more serious designs than a fling. She, more than anyone aside from his son, had endured his faults, and she still seemed to want to be with him.

Throughout his adult life, emotions had equaled manipulation. There were always strings and no one just . . . well . . . wanted _him_; not without getting something in return. Oh, he wasn't blameless in his isolation. He had kept away from serious relationships with women for two reasons. The first was that he didn't want to leave another child and single mother in his wake, and the second was that attachments had equaled weaknesses in his line of work.

Suddenly he found himself surrounded by people who thought he was worth their effort despite his failings.

Once he had been strong enough to stay awake for longer than meals and treatment he had started probing Martha for details of her life and Richard's.

Some things he knew from keeping tabs on them, but the facts were never the complete story.

He brushed his hand down her arm. "Tell me what he was like, as a little guy, I mean."

Martha thought and said, "Very much like he is now but much more active, and smaller, of course." She smiled at the memories of her son tearing around the apartment, usually wearing a makeshift cape. She started rubbing a splayed hand across Daniel's chest as he spoke.

He wasn't satisfied with that answer so he dug a bit deeper, "Was he difficult for you?"

"Heavens no. For me he was pleasant and compliant. He's always been able to read people, ever since he was little. That didn't stop him from taking delight in needling some, still doesn't and you can ask Kate to attest to that. It's a miracle she didn't kick him out the first month he shadowed her. Anyway, I think Richard always sensed how guilty I felt working so much. He was always very accepting of odd schedules, long hours backstage and being tossed around between mediocre babysitters."

Daniel turned her chin so he could hold her eyes. "Martha, I'm sorry. I can't imagine how challenging it must have been to be a single parent, especially back then."

He had half expected her to lean the rest of the way and absolve him with a kiss, but she didn't, and he was thankful for her restraint. "I won't lie. It wasn't always easy and some days were exhausting. I was terrified when I found out I was pregnant and spent the first few months in denial. I kept hoping you'd call, show up on my door step, anything." Her eyes started watering thinking of how lonely and frightened she had been. "Sorry, Dear. It's just been a long time since I've thought about those days." She widened her eyes to try to absorb the tears, then reached for a tissue and dabbed at them.

When she turned back towards him, Daniel had inched away to give her space, feeling that he didn't have the right to comfort her. She rested her hand over his heart firmly to keep him from retreating farther.

"Martha, I . . . " He looked at his long lost love and ached for what he had done, what he had missed and the heartbreak he was still inflicting by asking her to relive it all. 'I'm sorry' wouldn't cut it so instead he wiped away an errant tear with his thumb, and realized his own vision was blurring. Soon he felt her thumb on his cheek, then she leaned in to embrace him.

She rested her head on his shoulder and assured him, "Darling, I never blamed you for leaving. I never expected anything of you. It was a difficult time for me but never once did I regret you. I was a big girl, Daniel. That night . . . I readily came to your room, knowing the risks. You were whisked away to Europe in the middle of the night, you didn't choose to leave me and you couldn't have known."

"Still, I did find out later and even then I just stood by and watched."

Martha twined her hand with his, "Daniel, we've been over that and I know that it pained you to keep a distance and that it was what you thought best at the time. I don't want to hear another apology about that, okay? That's in the past. You're here now, that's what matters."

He nodded, not really able to swallow her absolution. "Okay, I'll let it go for now, but I still want to know the whole story. So, when Richard was born you were on your own and I'm sure acting jobs were hard to come by for an unwed mother."

Martha bobbed her head to the side, grimaced then admitted, "I never have told Richard this, and I'm not telling you now to make you feel guilty, only because I know you want the truth. You're his father, and you should know these things."

Daniel licked his lips, brought Martha's hand to his mouth, kissed it then said, "You're right. I want to know everything. Everything you went through, everything about Richard that I couldn't have known from reports. Please don't hold back."

They were locked in each other's gaze, and Martha felt the determination he must have employed when questioning criminals, yet towards her it was blanketed with a gentle appeal. He needed her to continue.

"I always wanted to be self-sufficient. I'd left home at eighteen and never looked back, I started with ten dollars in my pocket and I worked to stay afloat. After Richard was born there was about a year where I couldn't find work, I couldn't go back to my parents. Leaving to become an actress was hard enough for them to swallow, if I had landed on their doorstep, unwed with a baby - well, I would have proven they were right - that I was irresponsible and they would have demanded that I move back home and get a job as a secretary or something equally as ill-fitted to me. I wasn't meant for a conventional career, or a conventional life."

That drew a smile from him as he remembered how captivated he was when he saw her the first time on stage. "Your talent would have been wasted in an office."

"Believe me, I would have resorted to feigning scandals just to keep things interesting. So, you see it's a good thing for everyone that I never gave in."

He nearly laughed then remembered she was confessing something sobering, so he nudged her to continue.

"I did the stereotypical thing and tried to get jobs waiting tables, which I can assure you was also not in my skill set. I was dreadful." That earned her another smile as Sutton imagined Martha trying to do anything as mundane as taking orders. "I had a few other odd jobs, but they never worked out because I had no one who I trusted to baby sit my son – _our _son, for more than a few hours. The way I saw it, I could either resort to dancing in very little, or accept public assistance."

Sutton closed his eyes thinking of the dire position he had put her in. He realized that he must have looked as distressed as he felt when she squeezed the back of his neck and said, "Cheer up, Bucko, I retained some of my dignity and chose to lose my self-respect to Welfare rather than strip clubs. It didn't pay as well, but kept us fed until I started getting steady acting work. By the time Richard was one I had a regular gig at a small theatre and the owner's teenaged daughter fell in love with my boy so they let me bring him, and she watched him for free. That led to other roles and several years later we found ourselves in New York."

"Richard practically lived at the theatre. I knew he was lonely but he never complained. He started making up stories to entertain himself at an early age and you can see that it served him well later in life."

Sutton wiped a hand down his face. "I missed so much."

"I know, Dear. But you need to understand that from the moment I held our son, I fell in love, and I have never regretted a minute of it. I never thought ill of you, except during the eighteen hours of labor."

Sutton cringed sympathetically. "I know 'sorry' will never cover that."

Martha laughed, 'Don't feel too guilty about it. I did have a few choice things to say about you, repeatedly, during that time, but once I saw Richard I forgave you."

"I deserved every name you called me and worse."

She narrowed her eyes. "One day I'll get you back by telling you every gruesome detail of those eighteen hours. That should be punishment enough."

"Promise?"

"Oh, that's a promise I'll easily keep, but not today. It wouldn't do to kick you while you were down, Darling.

He couldn't help but smile at her affectionate monikers. "Okay, we'll table that one for now." He shifted position to mirror the change in topic, "One thing always bothered me and I couldn't quite get the inside scoop on this. You said Richard was an easy child, so why all the different schools?"

"Well, I should say that he was compliant _for me_. Teachers were another kettle of fish. He delighted in seeing how far he could push their buttons, and don't let that charming smile fool you – the boy could push buttons with the best of them. I had more parent teacher conferences than I care to remember."

"I bet those were interesting."

"More like frustrating. Looking back now I know it was for attention. He'd never tell me directly how lonely he was, but still, I knew. He sat by and saw me on stage night after night giving my full attention to a room full of strangers, while he spent those nights eating dinner alone backstage. My only consolation is that he used his time well and started writing stories at an early age."

Sutton's hand migrated from her fingers up her arm to her shoulder. "Martha, I see the two of you together now and the way he regards you. You must have done a lot right."

"Thank you for saying so." She beamed down at him and played with the hair behind his ear.

With his eyes half closed he hummed and said, "You know, a guy could get used to this."

Her fingers stilled and she soberly asked, "Daniel . . . do you want to get used to this?"

His eyes popped open, and it felt to Martha that his gaze penetrated her soul along with his words. "Martha, that's all I've ever wanted."

His arms wrapped around her a bit awkwardly due to his limitations and she leaned down and kissed him, long and slow. Even though this was becoming a normal event, each kiss seemed electrifying, as though he had been deprived of any human contact for over 40 years; then had 40 year's worth of affection funneled through her touch. It was overpowering in the best sense.

She pulled away and started to lightly run her fingertips along his cheeks, his lips, his brow, as though still making sure it wasn't just a figment of her imagination that he was solidly beneath her.

"Darling, I still can't believe it's you."

"I honestly thought you were a hallucination from the pain medication the first few times I woke. You've been in my dreams for so long, but to have you here . . . it's too much and not enough all at once." He ran his hand along her back and snuck it up under her shirt needing to feel her skin against his palm.

She closed her eyes and soaked in the feel of him "At the risk of sounding like a heartsick teenager, please tell me you're not going to disappear as soon as your legs can carry you out of my life again."

It was the most vulnerable thing she had said to him, perhaps to anyone, and he responded in kind.

"As long as you tell me there's no other guy outside this hospital room that has a claim on you, then I intend to stay with you as long as you'll have me."

"Rest assured, I've been quite a free agent, no strings attached."

That gave him more pause than comfort. "So, at the risk of mirroring your teenage insecurities, does that mean you're opposed to strings?"

"I've only been opposed to the wrong strings."

She leaned in and kissed him again, putting his fears to rest.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I will go back to Righting the Applecart, hopefully in the next few days, but I didn't want to neglect this in the meantime. I normally only work on one story at a time, but it's been refreshing having two completely different fics going.

One American cultural term to note: In major league baseball, if a player is injured he's put on the DL (disabled list) and removed from the team roster so they can add a healthy player to replace him. So, being 'on the DL' in this context is slang for injured and therefore removed from the action. Not to be confused with the slang term 'keeping something on the DL' (down low) which means to keep something secret. Got it? Okay, we'll move on.

**Chapter 4**

**May 22, 2013**

When Kate arrived at the precinct late afternoon to get a personal update for the first time in several days, she was met with an unprecedented number of cops and feds milling about her 'house.' A detective who looked familiar was sitting at Beckett's desk. Normally she'd feel territorial but she didn't mind the intrusion since numbers equaled forward progress. With West's empire crumpling, more avenues of fraud, coercion and murder were being discovered daily. Some of the criminals folded and tried for leniency by offering cooperation, others attempted to flee and so all available resources were being employed to apprehend the major players as quickly as possible.

She paused before joining the hive of activity to reflect on the years she'd spent alone in front of her personal white board, feeling that it was she against an unknown foe and the establishment that rebuffed her. She never envisioned that so many man-hours would be committed on her mother's behalf, or that her private quest for justice would end in closure for so many more victims who had been brushed aside when their cases grew cold.

Ryan and Esposito rushed out of the break room then veered off their original course towards her. She smiled at them, wondering how many times they'd filled their coffee mugs over the past week.

It was obvious that Ryan needed to be cut off. His eyes were bloodshot and he couldn't stand still. He uttered a greeting in one breath, "Hey-Beckett-we-just-found-out-that-a-few-more-con gressmen-were-in-West's-pocket-and-there-is-a-bigg er-mob-connection-than-we-thought-so-Organized-Cri me-has-claimed-a-stake." He indicated towards her desk.

"Staked a claim, Bro." Esposito narrowed his eyes at his partner to warn him to cover the hyper enthusiasm that only surfaced when caffeine overdoses were masking sleep deprivation.

Ryan proceeded only slightly slower, "Yeah, that. There's cover-up after cover-up. Even though it's a mad house in here, everyone's playing nice and getting results."

Beckett squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her thumb and forefinger along her brow then asked, "Guys, when's the last time you slept?"

Espo crossed his arms. "We've slept. Ryan's just excited because he's made new friends."

"Yeah, Beckett, we're good!"

She narrowed her eyes, slipping into interrogation mode. "Let me rephrase that. When's the last time you slept in your own beds?"

Esposito's response was, "Irrelevant."

"Right." Ryan yawned but tried to switch topics. "How's Aquaman?"

"Whiny." She couldn't help but smile. Truth be told, Castle had been surprisingly patient considering everything.

Espo commented, "Better than dead."

"Yeah." Beckett agreed on a heavy exhale.

"How are you doin', Beckett?" Ryan asked.

"Better than dead."

She turned towards the white board. Since the Feds had brought their own fancy hi-tech murder board, Team Beckett's simple one held only pictures of West's victims who were connected to the 12th to serve as motivation, not that it was needed. She saw her picture from when she first made detective next to her mother's driver license ID photo, along with shots of Castle and Montgomery. Sutton was also on the board even though most people didn't know there was a more personal connection than him saving the precinct favorite.

Kate stared at her own picture and considered taking it down. She hated being categorized as a victim, especially so publicly. Her eyes then shifted to her mother's photo. Johanna Beckett never took a bad picture. Kate wondered why she had wasted so many hours searing that crime scene photo of her in her mind when she could have spent that time remembering her mother happy and alive. When someone mentioned Johanna Beckett, her daughter's first thought was of her death, rather than her life.

Kate was suddenly hit with the wrongness of it all.

People always commented that she was the spitting image of her mother. Looking at her own picture juxtaposed with her mother's confirmed the similarities, but it also highlighted the differences. Both women were attractive but Johanna seemed almost idealistically confident whereas Kate could see a sober determination in her neutral expression.

She wondered if that was what others still saw. She knew if she looked any more peaceful than that it was only because of the meddling man smiling in the picture next to her.

She fingered her husband's face, which was an enlarged color copy of the headshot from his book cover. Even before she'd known him personally, she thought that particular expression betrayed mischievous thoughts. She spent more than a few moments staring at his book jackets throughout the years; first wondering what it would be like to meet him and eventually adoring the man she married.

"Detective Beckett." Gates' unmistakable voice cut through her thoughts. "A word, please."

Kate turned to her team.

"No idea, Beckett." Espo replied to her unspoken question.

Ryan yawned again. "Make sure you suggest that she gets some sleep, too. She'll like that."

Epso smacked the back of Ryan's head.

"What? Captain's been here as much as we have!"

"Seriously, Bro, you need to work on being subtle."

* * *

When Kate reached Gates' office, Jordan Shaw stood and gave her a look that was sympathetic without being patronizing or laced with pity. They shook hands, which seemed too formal for what they'd gone through together, but Kate appreciated her professionalism.

"I was hoping that the next time I'd see you would be at a 'women in law enforcement' seminar."

"Likewise."

"How's your writer?"

"Better."

"Glad things got less complicated," She slyly added, "or more complicated depending on how you look at it."

Kate smiled at the warm exchange and lifted her ring finger, "Yeah. I'm stuck with him now."

"I heard. Congratulations."

Gates cleared her throat. If what Ryan said was true, Detective Beckett knew her captain had been running herself as ragged as the rest of them and was only interested in forward movement to maximize the productivity of her waking moments.

"Detective Beckett, I gather that you've worked with FBI Agent Jordan Shaw before." It was obvious that Gates already knew this but she had needed an opening.

Shaw kept facing Kate as she replied to Gates, "Actually, Detective Beckett and Mister Castle are the only reasons I'm still alive."

"Well then that should make this easier."

Kate looked from one woman to the other; both seemed hesitant to broach the real purpose of the meeting.

Kate beat them to the punch. "This isn't a social call, I take it. So I assume you're here to take over the joint investigation then officially transfer jurisdiction to the FBI?"

"I am." Shaw studied Beckett before giving her the difficult but direct explanation. "I'm sorry, Kate, but you're too close to this one. Your team has been incredibly helpful, but since you're in the middle of this, they wouldn't be perceived as objective if the Twelfth keeps the lead. We can't risk a mistrial. You know how it goes."

She did, but it still hurt.

Shaw saw how torn, but also how exhausted her friend was. It was a weary state that only came from a burden borne for years. Kate addressed her, "I know I can't fight the transfer, but thank you for the heads-up."

Shaw knew that this acceptance was huge for Kate. Last time their paths had intersected Kate had relentlessly stayed on the case even though she had been the intended target. Now she was expected to cede control in a case in which she had been personally entrenched for over a decade. The Agent looked amused and even a bit proud.

"Kate, you know this is personal to me. He tried to kill you two years ago and for that alone he's going down. That and Castle finally grew on me so the two rounds Maddox put in him didn't help West's case."

Gates smirked, revealing that she felt the same way.

Kate looked through the open blinds to the bullpen. "Jordan, it's okay, really. I don't want this pressing on them, or Castle or, " She turned around and indicated towards Gates, "you, Sir, for any longer than necessary. Thank you for all you've done, Captain. I'm not sure I've said that outright. If not I should have before now."

Captain Gates gently replied, "You've had more important things on your mind, Detective. But I do make it a point to take care of my own." She shook her head then admitted, "And that does include Mister Castle."

"Don't worry, I won't tell him how much you care."

Kate smiled realizing that she and Gates were having a moment, sort of. Close enough.

Gates asked, mainly for Beckett's sake, "What's the timetable, Agent Shaw?"

"We'll be here for a few more days but within a week you'll have your house back in order, Captain. I will personally keep you posted, Beckett, and I'll keep your team close since they still have information that might be useful. But I won't allow your sidekicks into the Agency until they lose the bags under their eyes. Consider it a professional courtesy."

"Thank you. They're choosing not to obey my order to go home, maybe they'll listen to you."

She noted that Shaw had not mentioned her future involvement with the FBI. But Jordan had the ability to read her so before Kate could ask, she offered, "Detective Beckett, you've been invaluable. We have your statements, notes and all the information you and your team have documented. You uncovered the backbone of the widest political investigation since Watergate. You got us perfectly positioned. You found the tip of the iceberg, now it's our job to chip away at the rest."

Kate wanted to be able to just walk away and not look back, but it felt like she was suddenly missing the emotional equivalent of a limb.

"You're dismissing me from the investigation entirely?"

"Not entirely. You might be called to testify in Maddox, Markaway or West's trials, but that will be a ways off with how complex each case is."

"Is there any way I can help in the meantime?"

Shaw suggested, "Take care of Castle, get some sleep, breathe easier knowing it's over."

Kate looked to Gates who nodded fixedly.

Detective Beckett knew she had no recourse. She nodded to each woman, then left the office and headed for her team's area. She reached over Esposito and powered down his computer then before he had time to protest she was doing the same with Ryan's.

"Come on, guys, you're riding home in style."

Esposito rubbed an eye, admitting he was in fact, very tired. "Ferrari?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "No, but it's better than a cab or a squad car. Do you even care right now?"

"Nope." Ryan answered while he stood and stretched. They followed her into the elevator then through the front door of the precinct where a ride from the car service awaited.

The men flanked their boss in the back seat and Ryan fell asleep immediately and his head tipped onto her shoulder.

Esposito commented, "Look at our little Honeymilk. He's so adorable when he drools during naptime." Kate nearly laughed. He waited a moment then asked seriously, "You booted off the case?"

"Looks that way." She leaned her head back and blew out a heavy breath, not even sure what to think or how to feel any longer. She tilted her head slightly so that her cheek rested on Kevin Ryan's hair. Espo was right. Kevin was pretty adorable when he slept.

"You did good, Beckett." She closed her eyes but Espo didn't back down. "Kate, she'd be proud of you. All the justice that'll be served – it's all because of you."

She sighed and thought of all they had gone through together. "Thanks, Espo." She glanced sideways at him. "But it wasn't just me, and it wasn't without casualties." Her eyes closed again and she swallowed thickly.

"Always half-empty with you, isn't it?" He teased wanting to lighten her mood.

"Yeah, well, I married 'half full' so someone has to balance him out."

"I think you mean 'put him in his place.' He's so whipped. Ryan and I revoked his man card years ago."

"Does Ryan even have a man card?"

"Took his away the day he wore his two week anniversary tie."

"Good call."

"I heard that." Ryan mumbled. "But, Espo's right, Kate. Your mom'd be proud. We're proud, right, Bro?"

"Yeah, yeah. Go back to sleep before we need tissues, you sap."

"That's what you get from taking my man card." Ryan said through a yawn then his head grew heavier on Kate's shoulder and she rested against Ryan's hair once again. As Esposito looped her arm through his elbow she realized his warning to Ryan was too late, she was already dangerously close to needing tissues.

* * *

Castle walked into Sutton's room, and instead of starting their daily episode of Stargate; Rick decided he needed to hear the assurances that Kate and his mother had been insisting on believing. He hadn't wanted to upset the man before he was stronger, but Rick would be discharged in a few days and he needed answers.

"Is it okay if we skip a trip through the Stargate for now?"

"Sure." He conjured his poker face to cover his fear of what his son was going to say. As an agent he had survived enemy interrogations, but this was only the third time he had felt truly gripped with fear of the unknown. The first time was when he first met Richard at the 12th just weeks ago and the second was when he waited at a hotel café for a sniper to show and take aim at his son and daughter-in-law.

Over the years, while Sutton had learned to school his expressions, Richard had too much of his mother's emotional flair to do the same. He looked pained, and his father worried that it was due to the guilt of trying to let an injured man out of his life gently.

Castle sat, then ran a finger along the edge of a side table and looked at its progression rather than meet his father's eyes. "I need you to tell me the truth. After spending my whole life not knowing about you, I think I deserve that much."

"Of course." Sutton's heart was racing. It was the first somewhat accusatory thing Richard had said to him since the shooting.

"Are you going to stay? I mean after your leg heals and you're back to your normal life. Because if you aren't, it's okay, but you need to tell me so I know what to expect."

Sutton didn't have more than a second to answer before Castle cut short his thoughts, "After everything you've done for us in the past few weeks, you don't owe us anything. You didn't exactly ask for me - for this, I mean." He looked around the room, everywhere but his father, trying to insinuate that Sutton could blame leaving on the circumstance if it made it easier. "No one will think less of you if you take time to regroup then . . . go."

Sutton still looked impassive as his mind was racing. The fact his son has used 'us' instead of 'me' made him realize that Richard was trying to give him an out by making any rejection seem less personal. That thought doubled Sutton's guilt. He pressed his lips tightly, but that was his only tell. Castle couldn't bring himself to look at him for longer than a glance.

_What have I done to this boy? _

He knew exactly what he had done and would live with that regret for the rest of his life. But to sit here and be told by the son he abandoned that it was okay for him to walk out on his life for a second time? That showed him first what an incredibly selfless man sat before him, and second, that Richard may never really trust him. He'd always wonder if his father would be around or disappear for work or personal reasons, or personal reasons disguised as work.

"Richard . . . I . . . "

Castle glanced out the window, trying his best to hold it together.

"It's okay, really, Sutton. I'm just glad I got to know you. You saved Kate and I'll always be thankful for that. I'll be by tomorrow." He leaned on his right side to get out of the chair, thankful for the distraction of physical pain but before he made much progress a sound stopped him.

"No."

Rick glanced at his father. Sutton's watery eyes drifted to his and he said, "Son, if you want me to go, I will, but I will never choose to leave you again. What relationship we have, or don't have is entirely up to you. I chose to walk into your life, Richard, but you get to write the rest of our story."

Both men were still, hearts racing in the wake of anxiety. Castle nodded slightly, but kept his expression guarded as he clarified. "I want you to stay, but only if it's what you want. You need to be sure, though. I'd rather you say you'll leave in a week than believe you'll stay then have you change your mind in a month."

He quietly but firmly replied, "There is no way I would lose you twice." They stared at each other, both feeling that there should be some way to seal the moment, but a hug was still an awkward notion, a handshake too formal so neither one could settle on what was appropriate.

Castle swiped at his eyes but his voice stayed even, "What will you do once you're released? Where will you go?"

"I still have my position at the CIA, although I'll be on the DL for a while. Even though I prefer being called 'Special Agent Sutton' rather than "Assistant Director Sutton,' my days of covert ops are over. My most formidable enemies have been neutralized or have been dormant for long enough to give me peace, I hope." His mouth almost twitched up in a rueful smile. "For once I might just settle down and live a normal life."

His son's lips hitched at one side. "Well, if you stick around you'll realize that life around here is anything but normal. If that's what you want then you might want to rethink the company you're choosing to keep."

Rather than laughing along, Sutton met his comment with his own fears. "Richard, I wake up each morning and wonder if it will be the day that you come to your senses. You should resent me by all rights and I can't for the life of me figure out why you don't, or at least why you're not showing it."

Castle ran a hand through his hair and exhaled. "Believe me, I did resent you the first time we met and honestly, I can't say that I'm completely over it, but I want to be. It's not human nature to flip a switch and be suddenly okay with something this big." He held up his hand before Sutton could agree or apologize again. "_But_, regardless of all that, I like spending time with you and I want you to be around. I'm sure it will take a while to work through everything but I hope there will be a day when any hard feelings will be reduced to a footnote in our past."

"I'd like that." He gave his son an appraising look. "I just don't get how I can be so lucky, even for the little time we've had." He cleared his throat, "I want to stay in New York as long you're okay with it. I want to be in your life, and your mother's as long as she'll have me."

"Then stay, Dad."

Sutton felt relieved but there was still more on his mind. "Richard, what about Alexis?"

Castle sighed, knowing his daughter was still trying to reconcile this drastic change in their lives. While she had been polite, she was suspicious of her long lost grandfather and believed that it was just a matter of time before he left them. "She's always been a bit . . . guarded when it comes to outsiders." Castle grimaced at his own insensitive word choice. "What I mean is that she doesn't like to see people she loves get hurt. You have to understand that since we divorced, Meredith has flitted in and out of Alexis' life, making promises and breaking them." He didn't admit how much it hurt him that he could never be enough to make up for that serial rejection. Nothing he ever said or did changed Meredith's behavior towards their daughter. So he knew exactly from where Alexis' caution stemmed. "Suffice it to say that trust issues run in the family."

"I'm sorry for my part in that."

"I know, but it's more than that. She's seen me in some dark places before and she worries about me more than a daughter should worry about a father. She'll come around, but it will take longer for her. She needs time to work through it"

"Is there a precedence for hope that I'll get a toe in the door one day?"

He smiled at his dad and held up his ring finger. "Yeah."

"You and Kate had a rough patch?"

"You have no idea. She left the city after she was shot by Maddox. No contact for months and I nearly let it destroy me. Alexis was there for the fallout and she resented Kate enough for the both of us."

"They seem to have worked it out. You'd never know there was ever that kind of friction."

"That's because they are both remarkable women. It wasn't easy on either side, but Kate worked hard to earn Alexis' trust." He shrugged his right shoulder then continued. "They worked at it and after about six months things were okay, then better. Finally, I left for a book tour and they bonded over a broken arm and Alexis' crush on O'Riley, all in my absence. Since then they've been thick as thieves. Alexis is a tough cookie," He smiled at Sutton, "But once she vets you, you're in and she'll lose the grudge forever."

"Well, looks like I have much more work to do than just physical therapy."

There was a pause then Rick said, "Dad,"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad you think she's worth it."

Sutton knew projection when he heard it and reassured his son. "She's always been worth it, Richard, I'm just afraid she's stuck with a fool for a grandfather who didn't have the sense to step in sooner."

"You're here now."

"And I'm sticking around."

"With Mother, too, huh?"

"That weird for you, Richard?"

"Yeah," He gave his father and appraising look then added, "but I know she's done worse."

Sutton laughed. "Well, thanks for that vote of confidence."

Castle picked up the remote and declared, "So, where were we? PC3-2X4?"

"Sounds right about."

For once neither man paid any attention to the show, they each replayed their conversation in their minds and took turns glancing at the other. Castle finally could entertain a deeper hope that their relationship would be permanent. He had prepared himself for being rejected, but not for the rush of emotion that came from being wanted.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Okay, so Righting the Applecart was supposed to be a quick 5 chapter diversion. Ha! It's up to 12 and still going. I've been writing like mad to try to wrap it up so I can get back to this, which has not been, nor will it ever be forgotten. Thank you to Eslssl for letting me know this story has been missed.

FYI, I will be without my computer for ten days starting Sept. 20, so if I do not get another chapter up before then, look for one in October.

**Chapter 5**

**May 29, 2013**

Castle and Sutton had been in a friendly competition to see who could be released first, although they both knew it would be the younger man. Sutton was not strong enough for crutches after being bedridden for so long and his apartment was not wheel chair accessible, making in-patient therapy was his only option.

Castle was able to come home three weeks to the day after he was shot. He was still in considerable pain as his ribs healed, but he could push through it and with Kate's help he could manage well enough. He had a lot of work to do to rebuild the muscles on his left side but he had never been so happy to be on his way home.

As they paused in the hallway, he remembered carrying Kate across the threshold just weeks before. Now his biggest accomplishment was walking to and from the car. He thought about how they had been interrupted the last time they were home together and he was even more depressed at his current restrictions.

He sighed and sullenly remarked, "I guess I can't make good on that promise to pick things up where we left off."

Kate lifted on her toes and gently wrapped her arm around his right shoulder and tugged him towards her. "How about if you make it up with interest when you get the all clear?" She hadn't alleviated his frustrations, but he tried to accept it and she knew he was coping the best he could. "I think your daughter is on the other side of the door ready to welcome you home. Best not keep her waiting."

His eyes brightened at the thought of Alexis spending the summer at home. Kate pecked his lips then stepped forward and swung open the door. He was met with a banner, balloons and the smiling face of his daughter and the ever-nervous expression of Patrick O'Riley, who was still a bit intimidated by his girlfriend's father. Alexis greeted him with an enthusiastic, "Welcome home, Dad!" then gave him a light hug and a kiss on his cheek. She had been by to visit him every few days but it wasn't the same as being home with her.

He smoothed her hair with his right hand and pulled her in for another hug. "Hey, Pumpkin. Thanks, good to be home."

Kate nodded at Patrick who stood stiffly, and asked, "Hey, O'Riley, how's the back?"

"Uh, better. Stitches came out and I'm almost back to a full range of motion."

"Back to desk duty?"

"Should have been last week but Gates told me to stay on leave until June."

Castle piped in, "Somewhere along the way the Wizard must have granted her a heart." Kate smacked his arm reproachfully. "What? She never used to be that thoughtful."

Alexis offered, "She even came over to check in on him a couple times."

Castle started looking around suspiciously. "Wait, here?"

Between her hesitation and the shade of pink creeping over Patrick he realized that Alexis taking care of him had extended from a few days to a few weeks. He turned to Kate, who had to have known but hadn't mentioned it.

His wife cleared her throat then spotted a distraction. "Smiley face cookies! Alexis they look delicious."

Castle glanced at his daughter, and then turned to Patrick who looked like he might pass out.

"I stayed in the guest room, Sir. I wouldn't-"

Castle cut him off, really not wanting him to finish that sentence and decided that he would take the high ground. He surprised Patrick by replying, "I was just going to say, Thank you for looking after my daughter." He did mean it. Kate had stayed with him often and he was thankful Alexis wasn't alone those times. He also knew that O'Riley had proven himself to be trustworthy and as much as it pained him to admit, his daughter was now an adult.

For Castle's own sanity he would leave it at that.

Kate and Alexis shared a knowing smile while each bit into a smiley cookie. Patrick spoke the truth - he hadn't stayed in Alexis' room, even the first few days when he could barely move. If it hadn't been the fear of Castle that guided his moral compass, it would have been his uncle reading him the riot act. When Ryan found out he was staying alone with Alexis, he had reminded Patrick how both he and Alexis came about, both surprises, and reminded him not only that Alexis' father had just taken two bullets, but that there were two overprotective cops that he'd have to answer to if he put Alexis in the same position, blood or no.

Kate thought the warnings were complete overkill but sweet. She had to appreciate Kevin protecting Alexis, even if it was only from his overly polite nephew, and the young woman was no longer fifteen. O'Riley and Alexis both had sense and didn't need so many parental figures looking over their shoulder. Times when Kate would come home and find the two asleep and cuddled together on the couch, she'd throw a blanket over them, snap a picture and send it to Alexis the next day joking about blackmailing her by showing her dad. Alexis was so happy to finally have a woman in her life who she could trust with guy issues and even, on occasion, frustrations with her dad's reluctance to let her grow up. Kate listened but never judged or betrayed a confidence.

After Alexis saw Patrick home and the Castle's had an early dinner, Kate saw that her husband was flagging. She stood to clear the plates, then rubbed his shoulders. He tipped his head backwards to gaze at her, blinked slowly then asked, "Bedtime?"

"Only for you and half the senior citizens in New York. Come on, Old Man."

"Hey, I'm wounded, on so many levels."

"I know you are, which is why you need your sleep."

Alexis leaned over and kissed his cheek. "I'm so glad you're home, Dad."

"Me too, Pumpkin. Me too."

Kate helped him to the bedroom then walked into the bathroom and started the shower. He raised his eyebrows, to which she replied, "You'll sleep better." He knew he would but the amount of energy needed to both change and shower seemed insurmountable. "You'll be fine. I've got your back."

"You'll have to get the rest of me too, because if I move I'll fall over."

"I was planning on it."

He gave her a cheeky smile. "You missed me."

Kate tugged his arm towards the bathroom. "I've been with you every day, Castle,"

He teased, "You missed my body, then."

She shrugged slyly, looking him up and down. "I've seen your body. I've helped you dress just about every day." He gave her a rueful expression at how unromantic being an invalid felt. "But . . ." She breathed in his ear, "I have missed being home alone with you."

As she shut the bathroom door behind them he playfully added, "Admit it, Beckett, the scars are a complete turn on."

She slid her arms lightly across his chest and answered, "You have no idea." She slowly unbuttoned his shirt, slid it down his arms and pressed her lips against every bit of mangled skin. He shuddered at her touch, arms frozen as he soaked in the feel of her lips against his chest.

When she kissed her way up to his neck he held both her arms and stilled her. His right hand migrated over her shoulder, along her collarbone and dipped down to expose her battle wound, and caressed the skin with the back of one finger, "Oh, I think I might."

* * *

The following morning Castle woke to Gina's ring tone, which was John Cougar Mellencamp singing, "_I fight authority, authority always wins_ . . . "

He picked up and whined, "Gina, I just got home, whatever it is, I'm not really up for it."

She impatiently retorted, "Please, Rick. I'm ruthless, but I'm not heartless."

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "Okay then, what's so urgent?"

"It's been leaked."

"Which part?"

"The link between you and Daniel Sutton."

There was silence.

"Rick, how do you want to play this? An outright denial would need to be retracted later when it's inevitably confirmed. Not commenting is a confirmation and saying you couldn't be reached for comment is suspicious, but perhaps your best option for privacy."

"What does Paula think?"

"You know she'll do what you want, but you also know that it's her job to look for an angle to increase sales and the long lost father scenario will win you a lot of sentimental points, which is always good for your public image and therefore the bottom line."

Castle replied incredulously, "So I guess being shot didn't earn me enough sympathy sales?"

"You know how it is. To a publicist there's never enough sales. You know I would have done anything to keep this under wraps indefinitely but it's out of my hands. I am sorry, Rick. I know you don't feel up to this right now."

He closed his eyes and tried to calm down. He was used to Black Pawn boiling his personal life down to a string of public opinion issues; he'd signed up for that. Kate, Sutton and all those he cared about (barring his mother) did not. He felt guilty when any of them were hounded by the media, as though he'd hurt them personally, but this felt worse because he knew Sutton would be criticized for abandoning him. The public loved a tragic back story.

"You're right; I don't," he sighed, "but it's not your fault. Sorry, Gina."

"It's okay. We'll do everything we can to keep the focus on how he saved you."

Can you hold them off for a while?"

"Probably a few hours, maybe a day."

"Okay, I'll think about it and call you back. Thanks for the head's up." Just then his phone chirped and he saw an incoming call from Paula, which he fully intended to ignore. "And do me a favor? Fend Paula off for a while, too."

"I'll do my best, but that's a much taller order."

He smiled into the phone, "You're ruthless, remember? You'll do fine."

After he ended the call Kate brought in a tray of coffee and omelets. She set it aside and helped him sit against the headboard then arranged pillows behind him so he'd be more comfortable. He accepted the tray then folded one leg and slid the other over to make room for her to sit across from him. She rubbed his leg through the comforter and raised her eyebrows.

He took a bite of his omelet then diverted the conversation from her silent question. He closed his eyes as he chewed. "I missed this so much."

"The hospital food wasn't great but that _resort _– I mean 'rehab facility'" she used air quotes, "must have known how to make a descent omelet."

"Not the same as breakfast in bed with you in our own room."

She smiled and took a sip of her coffee. "I won't even make you eat with your left hand."

"Thanks. It's nice to know not everything is about physio."

After a few more bites he put down his fork and answered her question.

"It was Gina."

"So, what's the crisis of the day?"

"Dad. The press found out."

She wrinkled her brow, thinking through all the implications.

"Will that endanger him professionally?"

"He's not an acting agent anymore, so I don't think it would compromise him professionally, but, personally . . . well . . . "

She reached across the tray and rested her hand on his. "I know full well that being connected to Richard Castle comes with the risk of media exposure and, I'm going out on a limb here, but I could imagine that for a very private person in law enforcement that might be a bit much to take."

He gave her a lopsided grin. "Hard to put yourself in his shoes, huh?"

She smiled warmly at him, "Yeah, I wouldn't know _anything_ about that."

His expression evened, "Kate, you had years of experience observing my life to know exactly what you were getting into. For you it was a choice. Sutton only contacted me because your life was in danger. Yes, he's my biological father and we're genetically linked, but he didn't choose the chaos. In less than a month he'll go from no contact to being headline news everywhere from CNN to Entertainment Tonight. That's a lot of pressure to put on a guy who never asked for it."

The fact that Castle had reverted to 'Sutton' hadn't escaped her notice. The past few weeks had been a whirlwind and now that the dust was settling, or rather being kicked up by the press, the fear of Sutton leaving was rearing its head. Rick's ingrained fears of not being enough – or too much, had him worrying that Sutton would disappear and their tenuous relationship would be over. Kate hadn't doubted that Daniel was here to stay, and knew that he had told his son as much but forty years of abandonment issues weren't going to just fade away. For such a confident person, Rick had very real, deep seated insecurities, and she didn't want to brush them aside.

"He did have a choice. He _chose _to contact you."

"Because your life was in danger."

"He's CIA. He could have gotten a message to you without personal contact."

He didn't have a defense against that, but he still felt unsettled. For Sutton, contacting his long lost son was one thing, exposing his personal life for the whole world to criticize, that might be too much too soon.

"I know that, and I know he wants to be part of my life now. It's just that at first he'd expected it to be a one-time meeting, but one thing led to another and now he could be drowning in press attention that he hadn't intended."

She scooted next to him and rubbed the taut muscles in his neck. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on her fingers.

"When we met your dad," she intentionally used the term rather than Sutton's name, "he looked like a tortured soul. I didn't think he had the ability to smile. It's only been a few weeks, but I can't remember the last time he wasn't beaming at you, or flirting with your mom for that matter."

"Do you know how many men regularly flirt with my mother?"

"Point taken, but, your father has been trained to be a very deliberate man and there is no way he'd walk into your life conditionally. To him, you are worth the risk of bad press."

Her fingers ventured into his hair relaxing him further. He mulled everything over and then asked,

"Can we take a field trip?"

She looked him up and down then warned, "We'll have to get you all gussied up first, but if you're up for it I suppose we could go."

His eyes narrowed playfully, "You know the best thing about being home?"

"Hmmm, the coffee?"

He shook his head and tugged her arm so she bent down to kiss him.

"The remote control helicopter?"

She turned her head to the side so he could kiss her exposed neck.

He spoke against her skin; his warm breath causing her skin to erupt in goose bumps. "Nope."

She hummed, rubbed her cheek against his then stood, set the tray aside then helped him up. She kept hold of his hands while she walked them towards the bathroom.

"Hmmm, well then, maybe you could give me a hint."

* * *

Sutton had just finished his morning round of physio and was half asleep when they knocked on his door. He saw their expressions and immediately shifted to a sitting position.

"Hey, Kate, Richard. How's life now that you've been sprung?"

"Getting more complicated." Rick was slowly pacing, clearly in several levels of pain, while Kate hung back by the door to give him space.

"Oh? How so?" Sutton asked in an equally serious tone.

"It's been leaked to the media. You've been leaked. I mean they know you're my father. It's going to be all over the news and we can't suppress it."

Kate noted that Sutton seemed much calmer about it than her husband.

"And that's a problem?"

Rick stopped in his tracks and turned to him, questioning, "Isn't it? You're CIA. You live under the radar. This isn't how you're life is supposed to go."

Sutton couldn't help but laugh. He laughed, much harder than Rick had heard him do since they met. He finally explained himself. "Richard, how exactly was my life _supposed to go_? All things considered, I think I can handle a bit of media fallout."

"Wait. You're not worried?"

"Richard, you have to understand, that when I was twenty-two I expected my life would have been like my parents'. I'd get a job as some government analyst with a wife and kid, golden retriever, the whole package. Turns out I was too good to stay behind a desk. One thing led to another and before I knew it, I was a deep cover government asset with a kid I couldn't know and a woman I couldn't love. That's not how life was _supposed to go_. This-" He motioned between them, "This, was how it was supposed to go from the beginning. I'm Richard Castle's father and haven't been able to brag about that to anyone until now. Why wouldn't I want the world to know that you're my son?"

That was certainly not how Rick thought the conversation was supposed to go. Instead of coming up with a battle plan to fend off the press his father was casually inviting the intrusion. He thought of all the times he was in school plays or spelling bees with no father in the audience to claim him. Then all these years later Sutton wanted to declare to the universe that Richard Castle was _his_ son. It was almost too much.

He took a few steps to the Robochair and eased himself down. She caught the moisture in his eyes that mirrored her own. Sutton lifted a hand and placed it on Richard's forearm. "Son, I am proud of you, always have been, and if the media intrusion is a problem for you we can talk strategy. But you have to know that I expected it, and I don't mind."

"The media can be harsh."

Sutton's heart melted at his son's concern for his reputation. "Richard, sometimes the truth can sting, but it's a fact that I wasn't in your life until now. If they want to peg me as a dead-beat dad, well, I can't deny that I was. But the bottom line is that I don't care what anyone else thinks. Let them talk. It's your opinion that counts. And as you're a big-shot author, I know there might be a public opinion poll taken on my character, but I never put much stock in those anyway."

Rick's mouth hung open. Kate swiped at her eyes, and hadn't realized how many tears had fallen. She wanted so much for Sutton not to disappoint Castle, not on the big things.

He hit this one out of the park.

Sutton squeezed his son's arm and asked, "So, was that the crisis that had you two all up in arms?"

Kate wiped her eyes then cleared her throat and answered for her speechless spouse. "Yeah, well, let's just say that not everyone in Castle's life reacted so calmly to media intrusions."

Sutton took the bait to divert attention from his son, who was silently trying to pull himself back together.

"I'm guessing a media frenzy was never a problem for Martha?"

Kate laughed, "No, no I don't think she's ever shied away from the limelight. I'm afraid I'm the one who freaked out the first time I was published on page six with a caption that named me as 'Nikki Heat, Richard Castle's real life flame.' I was paranoid for the next week expecting paparazzi to be around every corner. Thankfully the public has a short attention span and a few days later Ellie Monroe was back in rehab and there was a viral video of a dog saving a cat's life during a flood in Mississippi."

Kate didn't mention how unbearable the media onslaught in the aftermath of her shooting was, but her goal for the moment, and Sutton's, was to put Castle's mind at ease.

Castle perked up. "Did you see that? It was spectacular the way the dog held the cat's head in his mouth above water for ten minutes until he could paddle them close enough to the boat to be rescued. The cat follows the dog around like a puppy even now."

Sutton smiled at his son, "See, even the media is a sucker for a happy ending."

* * *

A/N: I did make up the video, so no need to search on YouTube. Also, I know it's just John Mellencamp these days but I was the proud owner of his _American Fool_ album and I still can't get myself to drop the "Cougar." : )


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: It's been an unusually crazy month so I have not had the luxury of a lot of free time. I did actually work on this puppy consistently in the time I had, so this late posting was not about me ignoring this (or you), it was about this chapter not cooperating. I do have the next chapter in the works, so I hope it won't be nearly this long of a wait next time, or ever again.

Thank you to Deb who gave suggestions that made me like this chapter a little bit more.

**Chapter 6**

**May 30, 2013**

Kate had needed a run and hoped that five AM would be a safe time to avoid the press. She was able to sneak out without the few stragglers noticing, but when she returned an hour later all bets were off.

"Can you confirm that CIA Assistant Director Daniel Sutton is your husband's father?"

"How did Mr. Castle react when he found out?"

"Why did Sutton come forward now?"

"What is his connection with Senator West?"

"What does this mean for the character of Jamison Rook?"

Kate kept her eyes trained on the lobby door as she wove through the crowd outside their loft. It had been bad enough when the press was just hounding her for updates on Castle's well being, but she would not give them anything on Sutton. Her husband was generous with the public, but he was extremely guarded when it came to the people he cared about.

She picked up The New York Times from the doorstep and saw Rick's picture on page one next to one of his father. The title read _The Long Road to Redemption._ The genetic resemblance was clear, and it wasn't a bad article, even though it had been pieced together without interviews of the related parties. It focused on Sutton's attempt to save his son from a sniper, then how Castle rescued his father after taking a few bullets himself. Over all, it was much more generous than a piece published in the editorial section called "The Sins of the Father," which made less favorable allegations that Sutton could have stopped West and had only swooped in to save face when it was all going to crumble.

After she skimmed the articles she checked the fan sites in the interest of damage control. Fan reaction of course, ran the gamut between the two extremes of loving Sutton for saving Castle's life and hating the man for committing the unforgivable sin of slighting their favorite author. She admired the passion behind the words, but Kate had never been more thankful that Castle never checked his fan sites.

She decided that she might as well turn on the TV and get the whole picture before waking her husband. Both local and national news had latched onto the story.

Kate heard movement from the bedroom and popped her head in, "Hey, guess which ruggedly handsome writer is plastered all over the news _again_." Castle struggled to get up and Kate came and helped him sit on the edge of the bed.

He winced at the exertion and said through gritted teeth, "You'd better not be . . . referring to Patterson."

"Actually, it's Alex Conrad." She kissed his rumpled brow to soothe him.

"You said ruggedly handsome not baby-faced, so it couldn't be Conrad."

"If it were Alex I wouldn't have just gotten mobbed by the press while looking all sweaty and disheveled."

Rick reached out and pulled her close by wrapping his right arm around her waist.

"I don't know, sweaty and disheveled works for me." Kate twisted towards him and ran her fingers through his hair. He hummed, "It's definitely workin' for me."

Kate laughed, 'I haven't found any look that doesn't work for you."

She bent down and pecked a kiss on his lips. He tugged her to sit next to him, and gently rubbed her back. She could feel his answer through his breath on her neck. "That's because you're hot."

Kate laughed, "The NY Times Best Selling novelist is going with 'hot'?"

He nuzzled into her neck and peppered it with kisses. "When hotness reaches the level of a superpower, I can't deny it."

"Sheesh, it's only six AM, pace yourself, Shakespeare, or you'll use all your best lines by noon."

* * *

The front gate of the Oasis Rehabilitation Center was littered with reporters and camera crews. Martha's driver, Peter, drove through the crowd and she tried to ignore the few knocks on the window as they passed. The impulsive side of her wanted to jump out of the car, give a dazzling smile and answer their questions with flair, without giving any real information away about her leading man/soul mate/father of her child. She was too old for labels. She'd like to think that for now, and hopefully for ever, Daniel Sutton would always just be 'hers.'

When she got to Daniel's room she saw he had the TV on and a paper on his nightstand. Martha listened to the reporter.

" _. . . is the latest political official to resign from office in the wake of Senator West's arrest. The investigation was blown wide open by a team of NYPD detectives, which included mystery writer, Richard Castle, and his muse-turned-wife, Detective Katherine Beckett . . . " _

Martha smiled, "Oh, Kate will love that. 'Muse' is referred to as 'the M word' around the loft.

Daniel glanced towards her, motioned her over and said, "Oh good, you're just in time for the plot to thicken."

As if on cue the reporter continued, " . . . _previously unnamed CIA agent had pushed the writer out of the sniper's crosshairs. The identity has now been released and we have confirmation that it was Assistant Director of the CIA, Daniel Sutton. However, the most unusual twist is that Sutton is allegedly the biological father of Richard Castle."_

"I always preferred to be called 'Agent Sutton.' 'Assistant Director Sutton' sounds so pretentious."

Martha sat next to him and he put his arm around her and pulled her closer.

" _. . . rumored to have been staying in the same rehabilitation facility and while there has not been any official statement from the family, many witnesses have seen Richard Castle's mother, actress Martha Rodgers, visit the facility after her son had been discharged."_

The screen cut to the host of the news program who commented, _"Thank you, Andrea. That must have been quite and interesting family reunion."_

Sutton turned off the TV and was silent for a few minutes.

"So?" Martha asked carefully.

"Well, on the bright side I bet they'll ask you to play Martha Rodgers in the made-for-TV version of this."

"As long as they get a real knock-out to play the pre-40 scenes, I'd be okay with that."

"Not sure anyone would be pretty enough to do the part justice." Sutton kissed her temple.

She blushed, "Oh flattery will get you everywhere, Dear." She couldn't remember the last time a man had the power to actually make her blush.

He laughed. "I'm starting to realize that. Of course, you should be getting much more than flattery out of me. Now that it's officially public information, I believe I owe you a lifetime of child support, Ms. Rodgers."

Martha scoffed, "Really, Darling, who wins a grant for the arts that they never apply for or unspecified scholarships at prep schools? I thought it was best not to ask too many questions, but I knew I had a secret patron."

"Busted."

Martha smoothed her hand down Sutton's chest and asked him more seriously, "Are you really ready for the media onslaught?"

"Well, I think if I had my own personal life-coach to get me through it and a beautiful woman on my arm as eye candy to distract the cameras, I might survive."

"Are you taking volunteers?"

"Only one."

* * *

"So, what's our play?" Kate asked, as Castle ended the fourth call from Gina that morning.

"John Warwick."

Kate sank down on the couch next to him and asked, "Have you met him before?"

"Yeah, at Patterson's once. He seemed like a good guy."

He leaned his head back against the couch and stared at the ceiling as he flipped his phone over in his hand. Kate placed her hand on his forearm then moved it down to still his movements. "Turn it off for a while."

"And risk Gina's wrath?"

"You need a few minutes to yourself, to ourselves." She turned into him and swung a leg across his lap and carefully shifted so she was sitting facing him. She palmed both sides of his face and worked her fingers through his hair. He tossed the phone on the next cushion, closed his eyes and brought his hands to rest lightly at her sides.

"Hmmm. Maybe you're right." His expression went from serene to pensive.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, I was just thinking that a few months ago the biggest issue we had was whether you'd get two weeks off for our honeymoon. Our days of just catching murders and going about our business seem like a thing of the past. This is going to drag out, you know."

She smoothed fingers across his brow and the wrinkles receded at her touch.

"It can't last forever, Castle."

"I wish that was true because I'd like nothing better than to sit here like this with you with nothing else on my mind. All the time. Every day."

She laughed. "I think you forget that in the good old days we rarely had time for this, at least on a weekday." He took one of her hands and turned it over to kiss the heel of her palm.

"When are you going back to work, Kate. I can tell you're getting antsy and I'm home now."

"I guess we should decide that, but for now Gates has me on an open ended leave of absence. She couldn't get the force to spring for paid leave since I used my vacation days last month." She smirked at him and added, "Good thing I married up."

She had been so frustrated with Castle footing the bill for everything when they had started dating. She had demanded to pay for at least utilities and groceries when she'd moved into the loft, but after a while she realized that it was important for him that she didn't resent him for being rich just as she wouldn't resent him if he had nothing. To Castle, rejecting his money felt like she was rejecting his affection. She finally relented and they started using a joint bank account from which they paid for all their every day expenses. There was no more division between his and hers and once she came to terms with that she felt better and could even joke about it now and then.

That was until he went over his investment portfolio with her. He had wanted her to be prepared in case anything happened to him so, he added her to his major investment and bank accounts. She refused to know how much he was worth until a few weeks before the wedding when he insisted that they didn't keep anything from each other. When she saw the list of accounts and balances, she didn't speak for an hour – trying to process it. She was so incredibly uncomfortable with having so much that she hadn't earned. He was convinced that her job had so much more value than his so he didn't think it should matter that society arbitrarily decided that he got paid more. When that reasoning didn't work he tried to assure her that she had earned all the Nikki Heat profits as much as he had and it had always bothered him that she didn't get a cut. He knew from the beginning that she'd never take money directly from him and he'd had more than one discussion with Gina about it, but as a publisher she was determined not to set a precedence of giving royalties to anyone but an author. As an ex-wife, she didn't take kindly to the fact that he never saw her as such a source of inspiration.

Once Kate had recovered after learning of her new financial status, she had come to grips with the fact that she was marrying a very wealthy and very generous man and there was no point fighting it.

Even though her comment about 'marrying up' because of his wealth was said in jest, he felt the need to counter it because it had been an issue in the past. He kissed her hand again and said very seriously, "No, Kate, I'm the one who married up."

"Castle – "

Before she could finish he dropped her hand and reached to cup the back of her head and pull her in for a kiss that told her exactly how much he valued her. Kate returned the kiss in kind so they were equally intent on proving that each adored the other more.

Kate wanted so very badly to wrap him in her arms, instead of balancing precariously so she wouldn't crush his injured side. Instead she ghosted her fingers over his face and said. "Let's just agree that we've each done well for ourselves."

"Nope. I married up, and if you have any doubt, I have video evidence that Ryan and Esposito agree." She laughed remembering their wedding 'gift' to Kate, which was the security footage of them threatening Castle right before the ceremony.

He kissed her fingers as they skimmed his lips.

"You really have to stop this hero worship of men who might as well be my little brothers. Really, it's a bit embarrassing. What were we talking about, anyway, before we got sidetracked?"

"How normal life is but a distant memory in the wake of a national scandal and endless legal shenanigans."

"Ah yes, shenanigans, or in legal terms, otherwise known as due process."

"Not sure what's fair about dragging families of victims through years of hearings and trials. Honestly, Kate, I'm not sure I'm ready for that kind of marathon."

"It will pass."

"Exhibit A: OJ Simpson. That was one man and one set of circumstances. Just think how long a senator with high connections could drag things out. Not to mention Maddox and all the others that will stand trial as well, even Markway and those who plea bargain will be media fodder for a while."

Kate felt her husband tense when he thought about the former judge. He had been avoiding the topic and Kate hadn't pressed, but she wanted to know where his mind was because interviews had a way of going off on tangents.

"Castle, Markway . . . we haven't really talked about it."

"What's there to talk about? I was a strategic acquaintance to him. Not the first time I've been played."

"No, but you weren't just played, you were shot by his son, twice." Her fingers gently lingered over his scars. "Markway didn't stop him."

Castle focused on Kate's fingers and tried to swallow the bitterness that he couldn't contain. He didn't have a resentful disposition in general but that betrayal was too costly.

"No. He didn't. He also didn't turn Maddox in after he shot you. He kept you in danger, Kate and that's not forgivable."

"And if Warwick asks you about him in the interview?"

"No comment."

Esposito had told Beckett that Markway had made several personal appeals to talk with Castle, to try to explain himself and apologize. Esposito ignored him and refused to pass along the message. He fumed about it to Kate when he gave her an update on his plea bargaining, but she wouldn't tell Castle unless she had any indication that he wanted to see the guy. He wasn't ready, and she didn't blame him.

Castle turned towards her and kissed her brow. "You've been so steady through all this. You really are remarkable. You know that?"

"No, Castle, I only seem more put together because I've spent the past fourteen years of my life in and out of a tailspin. Now that I know justice will be served, for once I can start letting it go. I know that Markway, West, Maddox, all of them will be dealt with and it's no longer my responsibility, to see it through."

"_Our_ responsibility."

"Yeah, it's no longer _our_ responsibility, or _my_ obsession, to see it through. You're the one who pulled me out of the downward spiral, a few times." She leaned up and spoke against his cheek, "I wouldn't be here without you. You're here with me. That's all I care about, Rick. No one else matters anymore." She slid her hand up his shoulder and around to tease the hair at the nape of his neck.

He turned and kissed her cheek then said against her skin, "You've always been beautiful, Kate, but I never thought I'd get to see you at peace - it's a good look on you."

She palmed his cheek and rested her forehead against his. "I'm at a good place right now, Rick. I can't promise I won't backslide when the trials start, but for now, yeah, I'm good." She kissed his nose then continued, "but I feel so much more than just relief."

"Yeah, like what?"

She started playing with his buttons. "Well, sometimes I feel this irrational urge to make out with this studly novelist who brings me lattes."

"He brings you coffee? Should I be jealous?" The studly novelist kissed her for effect.

"Well, he has been stalking me at work for years."

"I'll help you issue a restraining order if you want." He brushed his fingers along her neck and tugged her shirt aside to kiss her collarbone.

She replied breathily, "That would be counter-productive."

Just then Castle's phone chirped. They ignored the first text, but three more followed and they knew their alone time was over.

"Speaking of counter-productive." He said by way of apology. "According to Gina and Paula, and Gina two more times, Warwick should be here soon."

* * *

Kate was always fascinated whenever she watched Castle addressing the public. Not because she wanted anything to do with his fame, she definitely didn't, but because she was once a nameless fan and then became the love of his life. She privately gloated because while they got his smile and his crafted words, she got the behind-the-scenes man himself. She saw him _handling_ reporters and fans, but she _knew_ him and read his mannerisms in those situations so differently now. If he bounced his leg at a book signing it meant he was getting hungry; or that when he gave a certain lop-sided smile to a reporter, he was uncomfortable with a question and was trying to think of how to talk his way around it.

John Warwick turned out to be engaging and considerate. During the interview she didn't detect Castle bristling or giving any tells that he was uncomfortable with the questions. Most were open-ended and Warwick let Castle answer in any way he chose rather than trying to back Castle into giving more dramatic responses.

Kate was so proud as Castle talked through his brief but intense history with Sutton, and made it clear that he knew the CIA agent always operated with his son's best interests at heart, even when that meant keeping him ignorant and out of danger. Sutton was the sole reason that Kate was still alive and he played a significant role in West's capture. Castle honored the heroes in law enforcement and made sure to point out that the investigation only began because Johanna Beckett fought for a man who was wrongly accused, and her daughter had inherited the same passion for truth.

While Warwick respected Castle's wish to keep the questions directed at him rather than Kate, she sat next to him and held his hand throughout the interview, squeezing gently through the parts that touched on her mother, telling him she appreciated how he handled it.

When asked why Castle's relationship with Sutton wasn't made public right away, Castle answered, "My father has served his country at great cost, but he has done so by operating in the shadows. At times my life is lived under a the microscope of public opinion, and although he is now part of my life, I want to respect his privacy, and I do ask that others will respect his privacy as well."

When the interview ended Warwick shook their hands and let them know it should be published in the next edition of The New York Times. He paused before he left and asked one more question.

"Castle, how would you summarize your life in the wake of all the turmoil?"

He wrapped an arm around his wife's shoulders and the best-selling author eloquently said, "I'm the luckiest guy on earth."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I wrote parts of this last June when I started running, but I spent a whole lot of time gutting and reworking it when it came time to post.**

**Chapter 7**

**May 30, 2013**

While Jim Beckett was in the city, the noise and the constant reminders of the hell they'd all gone through had perpetuated very dark thoughts. He hadn't dealt with the anxiety well, but he also hadn't felt like he, out of everyone, had the right to have a mental breakdown. He knew he had either been heading that way, or towards the temptation to alleviate the pain, if only for a few hours. But he knew those few hours would cost him his hard fought sobriety, his daughter, what remained of his self-respect, and likely his life. He could not do that, so his only option was a tactical retreat to the cabin to try and regroup.

Running was the only way Jim could think to _do_ something, _feel_ something other than the weight of uselessness he'd suffered while others brought about the end to the madness. Not the end per se, but the beginning of the end. What unsettled him most was how much blood others had spent to free Katie, and in turn, him.

He'd never be able to repay such a debt.

_Pound . . . pound . . . pound . . . _

Jim was left remarkably unblemished but for a few stitches from the Hampton's explosion. Rick's long lost father was able to help in several ways; first by paying to keep Katie safe. Then, he gave intel during the investigation, before rescuing the crew at the Hamptons, and finally, he sacrificed himself to physically protect his son. Jim reasoned that Sutton needed a chance at redemption as much as he did so he didn't begrudge him the glory. The two fathers had only met briefly, since Sutton was still unconscious when Jim stopped in the hospital last, but from all accounts he seemed like an honorable man and Jim owed him for all he had done to keep their children safe.

Unlike Sutton, Jim was not in law enforcement. While he was thankful for each person who played a role in arresting West and his cronies, he hadn't realized how much he had wanted to have a hand in fixing what he had helped to break in his daughter.

For him, this quest for justice had stopped being about Johanna long ago. He had made peace with the fact that his wife was gone. He grieved through the bottle, then through much healthier means. He'd always miss her and while he wanted justice to be served, he had accepted that it might never happen. For years now he had wanted the killer behind bars simply to give Katie closure.

He huffed and pushed himself harder, running up a hill that he normally would take at a walk.

_Pound . . . pound . . . pound . . . _

Running had started out as a coping mechanism when he had first joined AA, a way to do something when he wanted nothing more than to drive into town and grab a bottle of scotch. After months of it feeling more like a punishment than a sport, he started to crave not only the exercise, but the calm that came with it..

When he'd arrived at the cabin this time, he made a list of every project he could do: painting, replacing loose boards on the deck, and building a new shed. He didn't know how to cope aside from staying active so if he didn't have a tool in his hand, he was running. But, for the first time it wasn't bringing clarity. Rather, jogging was a blunt instrument used to abuse himself in the healthiest way he could manage. He jarred himself with every stride that he pushed himself to make past exhausted.

In the back of his mind Jim constantly imagined a set of cosmic scales. Jim's sins, weighted down by the consequences to his daughter on one plate and on the other plate was . . . not much aside from him fighting to stay sober. The way he saw it, the scale would always tip at a lesser state than equilibrium and that bothered him.

The guilt wasn't new. He was forgiven, but over the years it lurked like a bad dream, always whispering his failures. Katie wanted him to put everything behind them. His AA sponsor, Will, helped him work through forgiving himself time and again. It was not about what he deserved, he knew what he deserved. It was about looking forward and trying to be the man he should have been all along. He couldn't do that while berating himself for what he couldn't change.

Pound . . . pound . . . pound . . .

The ache in his legs and the tightness in his chest felt therapeutic. Total exhaustion was the only way he could keep the brutal images from haunting him at night. Katie bleeding out, finding Katie collapsed on the porch when she'd push herself too hard after her shooting, Rick lying pale and lifeless in a hospital bed, Alexis screaming while he restrained her after the explosion. Nightmares about Johanna would still surface, but often the woman slumped in that alley wearing his wife's clothes, on closer inspection, would end up being his daughter. Those were the worst.

He'd sat with his daughter during those first few days Rick was in the hospital. She had looked so lost, almost worse than when she had been shot herself. He knew the acute pain of sitting helpless on the sidelines all too well.

They had mostly sat in silence, but she'd offered a wan smile from time to time and tried to stay positive for his benefit, "He'll be okay. It's over, Dad. It's over."

The incessant beeping of monitors brought to mind memories of the vigil he had kept two years before. Jim had been unable to stop any of her pain, or Rick's.

He still wasn't sure if he'd done the right thing when he left for the cabin, but he knew himself well enough to know he didn't have a choice. He constantly ran through their last face-to-face conversation to assure himself that Katie really had been okay with it.

_Pound . . . pound . . . pound . . ._

* * *

_Jim knocked lightly at the door to Castle's hospital room._

"_Katie?"_

"_Hey, Dad." She whispered, nodding towards her sleeping husband. _

_Castle had been on heavy medication and even if they were shouting, Kate doubted he would wake. Still, Jim sat next to his daughter and asked softly, "How's he doing?"_

"_He was awake longer today."_

"_Good. That's good, Sweetheart."_

_Kate studied her father. She knew the number of his years but she hadn't realized how deeply they had etched lines along his eyes, how he had succumbed to much more gray than she'd noticed just weeks before when he gave her away. Years of darkness had weathered him and this week of stress showcased the change._

"_Are you alright, Dad?"_

_He smiled incredulously. "Katie, I seem to be the only one who hasn't been hospitalized because of West. I'm fine."_

_She rolled her eyes at him and Jim smiled internally at the predictability of her expressions, and how they really hadn't changed since she was six years old._

"_Not what I meant. This is what we'd been hoping for and now it's here, but it's been an intense week. You've been through an explosion, were forced into hiding then your son-in-law was shot by the sniper who was the same one that shot your daughter; plus your wife's murderer, a US Senator, was arrested and you can't escape the news coverage.."_

_He hitched a smile at her. "Well, when you put it like that I guess it has been a busy week."_

"_Yeah, so, are you alright?"_

_He ran a finger along the bed rail and answered, "I'm just glad you're here and Rick's going to be okay. I've grown kind of fond of the man"._

"_Only because he's taken me off your hands." Kate teased._

"_Oh, no, you've been out of my hands for far too long." All lightness between them fell away. After a pause he continued, "Katie, I'm relieved that you have him, that he's there in ways I could never be, or haven't been. To answer your question truthfully, I want to be here for you, but I could use some time to regroup."_

_Kate lowered her eyes, focusing on her husband instead of her father as she tried to interpret his intent._

"_The cabin?"_

"_Yeah. Just for a while. I can't turn on the TV without seeing footage of West, or the clips they keep showing of Rick getting loaded into the ambulance and you shaking, with his blood all over your clothes. I'm sure that hotel maid is getting big bucks for capturing all that, but I can't stomach it."_

_Kate kept her gaze on her husband but reached for her father's hand. "It doesn't make you weak, Dad."_

"_It might, but it can't be helped. You got the ability to face life head on from your mom, but the times you pull away? I take full responsibility."_

"_Are you going alone?" She asked tentatively._

_Jim could have taken offense. He'd been sober for nine years and had no intention of breaking the streak, but he wanted to reassure her that his precautions were still in place, mainly so she wouldn't waste her worries on him. "Katie, I'll be fine. Henry's there May through September. Ollie and Betty still own the corner store. They'll all conspire to keep me out of trouble. I'll let Will know and I'll check in with him regularly. You can call me any time. You and Will both know my secrets now so I'd never dare try to pull one over on either of you."_

"_Subtraction." They both said, thankful they could talk about his former addiction so lightly. When Jim had finally been ready to quit drinking, he knew he would need accountability, so he shared that while he could hide many aspects of inebriation, he could never do even simple math when tipsy. It became a sort of greeting for Kate, first as a test, and then she'd do it from time to time just to catch him off guard. He'd often get a greeting like "What's twenty-three minus nine?" Then Kate would hum the Jeopardy theme song and Jim would try to answer within three notes._

_Jim knew there were no former alcoholics, only recovering ones, so he would never trust himself completely again, especially at the cabin where he used to quietly drink away his vacations. One time, his next-door neighbor Henry, had called Kate when he found Jim passed out on the porch. Kate stopped at the store to get strong coffee the next morning and she had fallen apart when Betty asked if she was okay. The couple promised Kate they'd look after her dad and they became a great support for both Becketts_

"_I won't go if you need me here."_

"_I'll always need you, Dad, but the worst is over. You should go catch some fish and enjoy the sounds of nature for me." There were several beeps in the background then Kate added, "I just wish we could go with you."_

"_ICU psychosis getting to you?"_

"_Yeah. Is it bad that I'm envying Rick for sleeping through the monotony?"_

"_Well, you had your turn when I was the one in the hot seat going stir-crazy."_

"_Dad, you've more than paid your dues." _

_Jim stood and kissed his daughter's crown. _

"_Love you, Katiebug. Come out when you can. I'll try to leave some fish for you, but I can't vouch for Henry."_

"_Maybe we can get Castle to bait his own hook this time."_

"_I'll pick up gummy worms for him, we'll tell him that's what you use to catch Swedish Fish. That will leave a bigger haul for Team Beckett."_

_Kate cleared her throat then softly reminded him, "Dad, do you remember I switched teams?" She held up her left hand and wriggled her ring finger._

_Jim's squeezed her shoulders. "Yeah, Baby, I know you did and I wouldn't have it any other way." He walked towards the door then added, "And now I suppose you'll give me hell for calling you 'Baby.'"_

"_I'll let it slide just this once." _

_She blew him a kiss; he caught it like he did when she was little and pretended to put in his pocket to take with him. He walked out the door, leaving Katie Castle in very capable hands._

* * *

_Pound . . . pound . . . pound_

Jim pushed himself the last stretch to the cabin and was surprised to see Henry sitting in the rocking chair on his porch. Jim staggered up the steps, put his hands on his hips and leaned over to catch his breath.

"Henry."

"Jim."

"Did you just get in?"

"Uh-huh. You training for a marathon or somethin'?"

"Somethin'"

He cocked an eyebrow and looked Jim up and down. "It's none of my business, but you sure you're in good enough shape for this, old man?"

"Old man? Well isn't that the pot calling the kettle black? You've got twenty years on me, easy."

"Sixteen, but even when I was just old and not ancient, I didn't try to run myself to the ground literally."

"Most people just do it figuratively, I thought I'd try something different."

"Hmmm. And how's that workin' out for ya?"

"Okay." Jim flexed an arm for show. "Can't argue with this now can you?"

Henry tilted his head, indifferently. "I've seen bigger muscles on my grandma, but she got them from carrying around seven kids."

"She earned them then. I couldn't imagine seven Katies."

Jim sank down in the chair next to Henry's and both men paused the conversation to let Jim settle.

"How is Little Katie Beckett, anyway?"

"You mean aside from married to a millionaire? I forgot to ask why I didn't see you there by the way."

"City's too much for me these days. Sent a card. I think it had hearts or flowers on it. It was classy."

"I bet it had a trout on it, and said something like 'she's a keeper', didn't it?"

Henry laughed, "Now_ that_ would've been real classy."

"Regardless, I'm sure she liked it. You gave her enough Kool-Aid growing up to guarantee she'll love you for life."

"My plan worked then. The only down side is that I'll always worry about that little firecracker of yours. It's hard to avoid hearing about what a mess she's gotten involved in. Guess the whole country knows her business now, and yours, for that matter. At least you both finally have answers."

"Yeah." Both men looked down at the pier and imagined Johanna sitting by her daughter, both dangling their feet in the water and nursing a glass of ice tea and talking, probably about boys, or the future, or whatever secrets the two spent long hours discussing. "Talked to her a few days ago. Rick's home now, getting around alright."

Jim didn't feel like he needed to justify to Henry why he was not in the city, helping his daughter in the aftermath. Henry understood and had decided to be extra diligent about keeping an eye on him for Katie's sake.

"Saw an interesting headline while up at Ollie's. Said something about her writer and the CIA agent who saved him bein' related?"

"Yep." Jim took a few swallows from his water bottle then supplied, "Guess the cat's out of the bag now."

"I'm the best friend you've got, and that's all the dirt I get?"

Jim shrugged. "Not my story to tell."

Henry shifted his weight, then, while looking straight ahead asked Jim, "So the running? What's that about?"

"It's about fresh air and exercise."

Henry looked skeptical but let it slide. "Sure you're not just trying to catch a woman with those chicken legs? 'Bout time, you know. Selma Myers has had her eye on you for years now."

"Selma Myers is eighty years old. I'm fine on my own, thank you very much."

"That's what worries me sometimes. I mean, who's going to rub Ben Gay on those sore muscles of yours?"

"You offering?"

Henry scoffed and both men laughed. When it died down Henry tapped his fist on the arm of Jim's chair and said, "Seriously, Jim, if you need anything that doesn't require a massage, call. And tell Katie hello for me."

Henry stood and walked down a few steps then paused. Without looking back, he said, "She would have understood, Jim. You did the best you could."

Jim remained seated until Henry was out of sight. He closed his eyes and long repressed tears formed, then flowed, a steady, cleansing stream of release.

It was a whisper of redemption.


End file.
